Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Google Me

I don't watch Bravo's stupid "Watch What Happens" show where mildly famous reality stars sit with the at times insufferable Andy Cohen to discuss whatever stupidity they displayed on the network that week. But I do watch The Soup on E! because it is hilarious.

On The Soup, they showed a clip of Kim from Real Housewives of Atlanta (or really outside of ATL) singing a song called "Google Me." It was ridiculous and horrifying.

Then, yesterday, I went to google something about moving apps around on my iPhone display screen. I typed in "i" and google offered up a past search of mine - "i have a college education and a jd what jobs are there for me." A very pathetic search in deed.

I also admit that I have googled such things as "I am lonely," "what health insurance plan is best for me," "jobs with little work and lots of money" and "consequences of back-dating leases."

What the eff do I expect from these searches? That google is going to spit out the answer to being lonely or the some resolution re: absurd financial burden of health insurance from an employer that doesn't bother the get workable plans for dependents? Like some site is going say "Do x, y, and z. If you take those three steps you will meet a nice, attractive, smart, funny guy who will make you less lonely or at least make some new actual friends to hang out with (not weirdos)." Or "search fail - there is no help for the rising cost of health insurance, you are screwed."

My uncle, who took weeks to learn how to double click (he never clicked fast enough) once said something along the lines of "the internet is amazing! You can find directions to anywhere on it. I bet the cure for cancer is on it somewhere." I am sure he was just saying that, he is not dumb, but maybe I am? I mean for the answers to be out there, on the interwebs, someone has to PUT them there. I am googling things as if google will finally let me in on the meaning of life. It feels desperate. And lazy. I am pretty sure that being home, alone, googling "I am lonely" is one way to NOT be less lonely.

I am also sure that I will not google Kim from Real Housewives of ATL despite her lyrical instructions to do so.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

The Lone Star State

I just need to take a moment to pat myself on the back. Yesterday, I did nothing. NOTHING. I watched bad tv, took a nap, read a magazine, watched a movie* did nothing good for myself or the universe. So today I needed a task that would make me feel accomplished. I set out to fix my internet and did. Go me.

Anyway, what has been going on except me being the laziest person on the planet? A trip to Texas of course. I should make a category for this blog that focuses on trips to Texas.

I went to the concrete city a few weeks ago to visit with bizarely, justsomeguy, and Young D. Well, I flew to Houston so that I could meet GHC, then traveled to Austin, which I didn't realize was the capital of all traffic. I learned this on a hungover, way too long, stop and go drive of about 4 miles.

What I also learned - GHC is legitimately super cute. And good company at the liquor store.

Justsomeguy eats gross things (well I guess I knew that) - this is sea urchin with quail egg and prosecco. After this, we all tried one. So I can legitimately say it is gross.

Bizarely still has it in terms of karaoke. At a strip mall bar, at like 2 am, she did a rousing rendition of "I touch myself" with spoken word interludes about changing diapers. She got high fives on the way out.

Finally, I should not update my facebook status when I am drunk at 2:30am. At that point, I had accused bizarely of stealing old navy Christmas socks from me in 2003, to which she responded that she might forgive me for my accusations but Jesus would not. Needless to say, not the best time for the whole world to have insight into my head.

Jillian was very sad she was not coming to Texas. She said "how will I see the dogs, Kwon and Uncle Herm?" (Dogs were the priority of course). She asked that I bring her back a post card, which I did, along with a magnet in the shape of Texas with a star on it. Now she is obsessed with the "lone star state." Every star she sees in red white or blue she asks if it means Texas. (This picture has nothing to do with anything)

*I watched Avatar and I HATED it. Sorry to those that thought it was great, but it was not for me. I was bored, angry, found myself laughing at the Sigourney Weaver avatar and the complete lack of subtlety. I am a bit shocked this movie made so much money, but whatevs.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010


Jillian is very into the news. One morning I woke up to her chubby face staring at me and the question, "Mommy do you want me to put on the NPR?" (I assume that is what happens at her dad's house, wake up and listen to NPR. At my house it is 90210 on Soap Net on the TV, that is in my bedroom, despite all the advice to NOT keep a tv in the bedroom).

So this morning we were watching the news to determine if it was, in fact, time to whip out her full on winter princess coat, when the announcement about Prince William and Kate M.'s engagement came on. J listened, was alittle confused, and then got super excited that Kate was going to be a new REAL PRINCESS. She then announced that "There is a princess in Bagdad, that is a city, did you know that?"

Um, no I didn't. This is her new thing - stating her interpretation of facts and then asking if I knew those facts. "Mommy did you know bats can see at night because they see with echos?" "Mommy did you know that the sun actually makes the moon glow?" and on and on. I am learning many new things.

Note: I will post pictures soon. I am having internet issues at home and resolving them involves me calling Cisco, who will then forward the call to an outsourced call center, where I have to get lucky to talk to someone who can help me link my router to my Macbook. Needless to say, I will likely choose watching Glee tonight over making that phone call.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Go Time

Alright, I have taken a nearly 4 month sabatical from this blog. I had every intention of letting it die a natural death, but a recent trip to Texas (both Houston and Austin) have inspired me to write again. As has catching up on some other people's blogs and realizing that I do like to write. With the caveat that I may not always have something entertaining or important to say.

So what to write about - the trip to Texas? J and I going to Disney World? Halloween and J's current obsession with all things Egypt? My old firm announcing that it is happy time again, while my new firm just stays the course (which to be fair is always the way the new firm works, so it weathered the bad economy better)? Another failed attempt at on line dating?

I think I will write about most, if not all of those things in the upcoming days, but right now I am going to write about parenting. I just read this article in the WSJ (ummm, yeah it is the middle of the day, but the Wisconsin race-notice statute is just not doing it for me).

The premise (basically) is that parenthood, in these times of glorified "attachment parenting," has become a modern-day prison for most women (it dabbles in effects on parents in general). That is a lazy summary but this has always been, and will continue to be, a lazy blog. Also, while the article starts off strong, it gets kind of (in my view) directionless rambling, going through control issues, helicopter parenting, right wing agendas, and prenatal issues.


Anyway, Erica Jong tells us that moms (all parents, really) can't compare themselves to celebrities and people with unlimited resources. Yeah, duh, thanks, but also, then what are you? I mean Jong says that she had to leave her child with nannies and fly all over the country lecturing, etc. So who are you more like, Erica? Me or Giselle Buchananananan or whatever her name is? Unless your next novel or poem is going to be published to a court via an electronic filing system, or your travels involve the $4 toll over the Ben Franklin Bridge, I say you are more like Giselle than me.

You know what, I liked this article at first. It was like YES! I feel that way...then I felt like, nope that isn't me, I am not a crazy parent. I have fits of "I suck at everything" (job, being a friend, dating, PARENTING), but really of all the things I have to do, I am a good mom. I am fairly unconcerned with how others view me as a parent as well. Plus, I was never really a feminist so what ever I am doing, isn't setting back the movement. So the article is not about me.

THEN as I was writing, I realized I may hate this article for its failure to recognize that it is coming for a place of accomplished psuedo-celebrity. Yes, Jong notes that she was a single mom who relied on nannies, but a single mom who had a best seller and a pretty glamorous career. Now, I also realize that sometimes when I bitch about my life, and my overwhelming sense of being totally fucking average at best, I might be the Erica Jong viz a vie parents who struggle more than I do with issues of family or finances, etc. Long story short, I am still undecided about this article.

I leave you with this quote from Dr. Spock (taken from the article)

The more people have studied different methods of bringing up children the more they have come to the conclusion that what good mothers and fathers instinctively feel like doing for their babies is usually best after all. Furthermore, all parents do their best job when they have a natural, easy confidence in themselves. Better to make a few mistakes from being natural than to do everything letter-perfect out of a feeling of worry.

As someone who did not read any baby books (for serious) and have a pretty cool kid (although I may get mine soon enough and attribute a big chunk of her coolness to nature over nurture), I think that this advice is dead on. Just do what feels right and it will all be good.

Well, glad to be back. Don't mean to offend anyone with this post. I will be more fun and have pictures of J up again soon.