My Gums Be Itchin'

Google Me

2010-11-30T13:31:00.000-08:00

I don't watch Bravo's stupid "Watch What Happens" show where mildly famous reality stars sit with the at times insufferable Andy Cohen to discuss whatever stupidity they displayed on the network that week. But I do watch The Soup on E! because it is hilarious.

On The Soup, they showed a clip of Kim from Real Housewives of Atlanta (or really outside of ATL) singing a song called "Google Me." It was ridiculous and horrifying.

Then, yesterday, I went to google something about moving apps around on my iPhone display screen. I typed in "i" and google offered up a past search of mine - "i have a college education and a jd what jobs are there for me." A very pathetic search in deed.

I also admit that I have googled such things as "I am lonely," "what health insurance plan is best for me," "jobs with little work and lots of money" and "consequences of back-dating leases."

What the eff do I expect from these searches? That google is going to spit out the answer to being lonely or the some resolution re: absurd financial burden of health insurance from an employer that doesn't bother the get workable plans for dependents? Like some site is going say "Do x, y, and z. If you take those three steps you will meet a nice, attractive, smart, funny guy who will make you less lonely or at least make some new actual friends to hang out with (not weirdos)." Or "search fail - there is no help for the rising cost of health insurance, you are screwed."

My uncle, who took weeks to learn how to double click (he never clicked fast enough) once said something along the lines of "the internet is amazing! You can find directions to anywhere on it. I bet the cure for cancer is on it somewhere." I am sure he was just saying that, he is not dumb, but maybe I am? I mean for the answers to be out there, on the interwebs, someone has to PUT them there. I am googling things as if google will finally let me in on the meaning of life. It feels desperate. And lazy. I am pretty sure that being home, alone, googling "I am lonely" is one way to NOT be less lonely.

I am also sure that I will not google Kim from Real Housewives of ATL despite her lyrical instructions to do so.

The Lone Star State

2010-11-21T11:56:00.000-08:00

I just need to take a moment to pat myself on the back. Yesterday, I did nothing. NOTHING. I watched bad tv, took a nap, read a magazine, watched a movie* did nothing good for myself or the universe. So today I needed a task that would make me feel accomplished. I set out to fix my internet and did. Go me.

Anyway, what has been going on except me being the laziest person on the planet? A trip to Texas of course. I should make a category for this blog that focuses on trips to Texas.

I went to the concrete city a few weeks ago to visit with bizarely, justsomeguy, and Young D. Well, I flew to Houston so that I could meet GHC, then traveled to Austin, which I didn't realize was the capital of all traffic. I learned this on a hungover, way too long, stop and go drive of about 4 miles.

What I also learned - GHC is legitimately super cute. And good company at the liquor store.

Justsomeguy eats gross things (well I guess I knew that) - this is sea urchin with quail egg and prosecco. After this, we all tried one. So I can legitimately say it is gross.

Bizarely still has it in terms of karaoke. At a strip mall bar, at like 2 am, she did a rousing rendition of "I touch myself" with spoken word interludes about changing diapers. She got high fives on the way out.

Finally, I should not update my facebook status when I am drunk at 2:30am. At that point, I had accused bizarely of stealing old navy Christmas socks from me in 2003, to which she responded that she might forgive me for my accusations but Jesus would not. Needless to say, not the best time for the whole world to have insight into my head.

Jillian was very sad she was not coming to Texas. She said "how will I see the dogs, Kwon and Uncle Herm?" (Dogs were the priority of course). She asked that I bring her back a post card, which I did, along with a magnet in the shape of Texas with a star on it. Now she is obsessed with the "lone star state." Every star she sees in red white or blue she asks if it means Texas. (This picture has nothing to do with anything)

*I watched Avatar and I HATED it. Sorry to those that thought it was great, but it was not for me. I was bored, angry, found myself laughing at the Sigourney Weaver avatar and the complete lack of subtlety. I am a bit shocked this movie made so much money, but whatevs.

Real Life PRINCESS

2010-11-16T15:05:00.001-08:00

Jillian is very into the news. One morning I woke up to her chubby face staring at me and the question, "Mommy do you want me to put on the NPR?" (I assume that is what happens at her dad's house, wake up and listen to NPR. At my house it is 90210 on Soap Net on the TV, that is in my bedroom, despite all the advice to NOT keep a tv in the bedroom).

So this morning we were watching the news to determine if it was, in fact, time to whip out her full on winter princess coat, when the announcement about Prince William and Kate M.'s engagement came on. J listened, was alittle confused, and then got super excited that Kate was going to be a new REAL PRINCESS. She then announced that "There is a princess in Bagdad, that is a city, did you know that?"

Um, no I didn't. This is her new thing - stating her interpretation of facts and then asking if I knew those facts. "Mommy did you know bats can see at night because they see with echos?" "Mommy did you know that the sun actually makes the moon glow?" and on and on. I am learning many new things.

Note: I will post pictures soon. I am having internet issues at home and resolving them involves me calling Cisco, who will then forward the call to an outsourced call center, where I have to get lucky to talk to someone who can help me link my router to my Macbook. Needless to say, I will likely choose watching Glee tonight over making that phone call.

Go Time

2010-11-09T10:06:00.000-08:00

Alright, I have taken a nearly 4 month sabatical from this blog. I had every intention of letting it die a natural death, but a recent trip to Texas (both Houston and Austin) have inspired me to write again. As has catching up on some other people's blogs and realizing that I do like to write. With the caveat that I may not always have something entertaining or important to say.

So what to write about - the trip to Texas? J and I going to Disney World? Halloween and J's current obsession with all things Egypt? My old firm announcing that it is happy time again, while my new firm just stays the course (which to be fair is always the way the new firm works, so it weathered the bad economy better)? Another failed attempt at on line dating?

I think I will write about most, if not all of those things in the upcoming days, but right now I am going to write about parenting. I just read this article in the WSJ (ummm, yeah it is the middle of the day, but the Wisconsin race-notice statute is just not doing it for me).

The premise (basically) is that parenthood, in these times of glorified "attachment parenting," has become a modern-day prison for most women (it dabbles in effects on parents in general). That is a lazy summary but this has always been, and will continue to be, a lazy blog. Also, while the article starts off strong, it gets kind of (in my view) directionless rambling, going through control issues, helicopter parenting, right wing agendas, and prenatal issues.

[DISCLOSURE - I KNOW ALMOST NOTHING ABOUT ERICA JONG AND COULD BE A TOTAL ASSHOLE FROM HERE ON IN. I DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO GOOGLE HER AND READ WIKIPEDIA OR ANYTHING]

Anyway, Erica Jong tells us that moms (all parents, really) can't compare themselves to celebrities and people with unlimited resources. Yeah, duh, thanks, but also, then what are you? I mean Jong says that she had to leave her child with nannies and fly all over the country lecturing, etc. So who are you more like, Erica? Me or Giselle Buchananananan or whatever her name is? Unless your next novel or poem is going to be published to a court via an electronic filing system, or your travels involve the $4 toll over the Ben Franklin Bridge, I say you are more like Giselle than me.

You know what, I liked this article at first. It was like YES! I feel that way...then I felt like, nope that isn't me, I am not a crazy parent. I have fits of "I suck at everything" (job, being a friend, dating, PARENTING), but really of all the things I have to do, I am a good mom. I am fairly unconcerned with how others view me as a parent as well. Plus, I was never really a feminist so what ever I am doing, isn't setting back the movement. So the article is not about me.

THEN as I was writing, I realized I may hate this article for its failure to recognize that it is coming for a place of accomplished psuedo-celebrity. Yes, Jong notes that she was a single mom who relied on nannies, but a single mom who had a best seller and a pretty glamorous career. Now, I also realize that sometimes when I bitch about my life, and my overwhelming sense of being totally fucking average at best, I might be the Erica Jong viz a vie parents who struggle more than I do with issues of family or finances, etc. Long story short, I am still undecided about this article.

I leave you with this quote from Dr. Spock (taken from the article)

The more people have studied different methods of bringing up children the more they have come to the conclusion that what good mothers and fathers instinctively feel like doing for their babies is usually best after all. Furthermore, all parents do their best job when they have a natural, easy confidence in themselves. Better to make a few mistakes from being natural than to do everything letter-perfect out of a feeling of worry.

As someone who did not read any baby books (for serious) and have a pretty cool kid (although I may get mine soon enough and attribute a big chunk of her coolness to nature over nurture), I think that this advice is dead on. Just do what feels right and it will all be good.

Well, glad to be back. Don't mean to offend anyone with this post. I will be more fun and have pictures of J up again soon.

Lazy and Unmotivated

2010-07-19T16:46:00.000-07:00

I feel like I have to "describe" myself more than I would like to do so. I am trying online dating AGAIN, I don't know why since it never is even fun, and it is all about telling people what you are like in 150 words. So basically tweeting about you, your family, your job, your likes/dislikes.

But in the end it doesn't really matter what you put in those spaces. Really the things that matter are (1) your age; (2) your picture, and (3) your baggage (i.e. divorced, separated, kids, if you are 45 and haven't been in a relationship).

So I kind of want to be honest and describe myself as what I am - lazy and unmotivated. I sit on the couch more than I should. I rarely workout. I could be good at my job if I tried, but I don't. Hell, I could have been good at something if I had only tried - tennis, fencing, school, anything. But I never really tried. I am lazy and at this point, unmotivated to start trying.

Is there something that might induce motivation? I don't know. I haven't found it yet. And after all these years, I am really not motivated to date. But for some reason I decided to try again.

Life for me as a thirtysomething single lady is not all Sex and The City. There isn't that steady guarantee of companionship. It's not all brunch with friends every weekend. Most of all, there isn't a steady of stream of dates or guys to have your way with. For me, its the couch, muddling through the night by writing depressing blog posts.

The thing is, I have been pretty happy lately. That is probably why I decided to try the online dating again. I felt that I could my best self forward and really just enjoy it. We will see what happens. I would settle for someone that is motivation to get up off the couch, put on some mascara and go get a drink.

More Vacation/Pop Culture Musings

2010-07-08T19:05:00.000-07:00

I miss Jillian. I am sure you all do to. Here she is waiting for a ride while on vacation. She is all sweaty because it was hot and she had just spent about 15 minutes bouncing her brains out in a moon bounce.

On a completely unrelated note - some thoughts on recent popular culture events:
1. I am watching Community for the first time. Joel McHale takes his shirt off in that show almost as much as TLaut in the Twilight movies. And you know what? Joel McHale looks good with his shirt off. Carry on Joel McHale.
2. Things I don't care about - LeBron, that Bethany is Getting Married, and the phone book that was at my door when I got home from yoga. I mean, seriously, the phone book? Who uses that anymore? Save some trees and spare me the phone book.
3. I HATE that lady on the progressive insurance commercials. HATE her.
4. I got HBO back just so that I could watch True Blood. I don't know what it is about that show but I love it. Plus, now Thomas Cromwell from the Tudors is now on it. I find Sookie super irritating, but I really love the show overall.

Alright, back to Joel McHale.

What's Been Going On

2010-07-06T18:00:00.001-07:00

Sorry for what is becoming the all too typical hiatus. Jillian and I have been on vacation, well Jillian is on a two week vacation that I joined for 5 days. She was telling everyone she was going on vacation. Vacation from what? I don't know. Her tough life of chillin' and acting all cool I suppose.

J's regular life:

J on vacation:

The beer wasn't hers, don't worry.

Since I left the beautiful 85 degree weather in South Carolina to the 100 degree grossness that is Philadelphia, she has also taken her first tennis lesson:

I spoke to her today and she told me that she had "made some shots" and apparently would cut the line of 4 kids to get in extra turns. Basically, while the other kids stood around staring into space, Jillian would just go up and take another turn. Eventually another kid's mom noticed and called J out. My mom of course just let this all happen because if J is smart enough to step up when the other kids are too oblivious to take their turns, who is she to stop that boo? Then they came home, had lunch and J announced that tennis had made her tired. Even for little boos, vacation can be tiring.

Another snoozeroo post, but I am a bit of a zombie. I have the best ideas for this blog when I am trying to go to bed or something (so these posts do not materialize as I am not going to get my computer and write). Thus, I always always default to Jillian pictures.

Brought to you by the letter J and the number 2

2010-06-15T18:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday J and I went to Sesame Place for her end of school celebration. Except there was no organization of the group. Literally, it was like email each other if you want to meet up for lunch. Since I generally don't click with the other parents, I didn't send such an email and never received one. So every now and then a random little kid would shout "Jillian!" and we would chat for a minute. Basically I took her so she wouldn't feel left out (I should have gone to work) but now realize this probably not one we have to do in the future.

That being said, we had a pretty good time. Amazing what a difference a year makes. When we went last year, we had to take a stroller, there were more rides she couldn't go on than could, etc. This year, we went on every ride except the roller coaster and played in some of the larger water rides. Also, no stroller.

And we happened to walk down "Sesame Street" just in time for the parade. The characters, who J is admittedly not super interested in, came dancing down the street giving high fives. J was excited. Then Bert asked the girl next to us to dance. She was too shy, so J naturally volunteered to dance. She spent about 3 full minutes as part of the parade dancing with Bert. Hilarious....

In other new, congrats to S and AMH on their marriage! Their wedding was this weekend and it was super fun. Everyone looked great, I wiped out on the dance floor and may or may not have drank 47 cocktails. Not exactly in that order.

Doctor Teeth

2010-06-08T16:59:00.000-07:00

In law school there was this guy who had a FWB relationship with the local dog groomer (not that that is important or that I am judging, just a factoid that is always somehow brought up with this guy) and got his teeth whitened during his third year. Unfortunately the result was FREAKISHLY white teeth. Like scary white. You could see him rolling home from the dog groomer's in the dark of night because of their glow.

We called him, "Dr. Teeth" with the appropriate dramatic head turn and weird accent.

So sometimes I tell J that if she doesn't take care of her teeth, she will have to get them whitened and turn into Dr. Teeth. I told her the story, minus the FWB part because I don't think she gets that yet, and after her initial idea that it would be fun to be Dr. Teeth as there may be access to dogs to play with, she bought into the idea that she did not want day-glo teeth. So she would take care of her teeth now to avoid them yellowing and any subsequent whitening.

To that end, we headed to the dentist today.

Read ready to have her "teeth tickled." Which I promptly explained was having them cleaned with proper dental tools. Seriously - she gets it dental hygienist, we are here to get her teeth CLEANED not tickled.

She sat in this position for about 2 minutes straight while the hygienist got ready. I should have told her that she could relax. But I kind of wanted to see how long she would stay like this.

Then down to biz-naz, a picture of calm.

Um, not so much. Her chubby feet reveal that she is not exactly relaxed...

But that being said, she was great. I was yet again, a proud mom.

And some Jillian-isms of this week:
"Gobblers are people who come in your house and take your tv and furniture. I learned that in the book Walter the Farting Dog."
Post corn on the cob - "I need a napkin, my hands are greedy."

Effin' GPS

2010-05-30T17:42:00.000-07:00

From Port Jefferson Long Island to Philly, put us through the Midtown Tunnel. ARGH. I should have been paying attention, but it was going well so I went with the GPS. Then I was on 34th Street in Manhattan ready to lose my shizz.

But J was an awesome flower girl at M's wedding. She and the ring bearer were super cute, it was a lovely ceremony and celebration, and M's looked phenomenal in a dress made by J-town. Really a pretty perfect day.

J is planning on bringing the invitation in for show and tell. But I think everyone at school knows about it, since when I called to say that she wasn't coming in on Friday, the person who answered the phone said - "Oh I know, J is going to be a flower girl in a wedding on Long Island." I guess J had already spread the news.

Memories....

2010-05-24T17:31:00.000-07:00

J's school has a day at Seasame Place this June, so we were thinking back to our trip there last year. We talked about the elmo cupcake, the water rides, and then J told me we left really fast because of the rain.

And she was right. I totally forgot, but once she said that I remembered that we left as the drizzle started. That boo has a redonk memory.

PIZZA! UPDATE!

2010-05-20T20:30:00.001-07:00

I am tired and no longer interested in the pizza, but I now have to wait up for it.

At least it will not disappoint when it get here.

PIZZA!

2010-05-20T20:22:00.000-07:00

I am drunk after a date where I am confused as to whether he is awesome, just thinks he is awesome, or was trying to convince me he is awesome with nothing to back that shizz up. So I came home and ordered pizza.

Mothers' Day

2010-05-11T17:52:00.001-07:00

I actually had a good weekend this weekend. Played two soccer games and then had drinks with the team. Then it was Mothers' Day, a holiday I kind of dread. But this one was probably the best one yet. First, J decided that she needed to line up all her shoes and discuss them:

Then J, my mom, dad and I went to the Art Museum for brunch. None of us had ever been there and it is actually totally awesome. So we decided to become members. And pose on the steps, modified Rocky-style.

J was really funny at the museum. She had to carry a purse, of course, and her own map. Once she realized that I could read descriptions to her regarding what she was looking at, I had to read all of them. Here she is asking me to explain a painting that had an image of God in red tones, looking down on the Crucifiction "Mommy who is that red guy?"

Finally, she decided that she would just read them herself.

Happy Mothers' Day to everyone out there, Moms, moms-to-be and those who help out Moms....

Dancing Fools

2010-05-04T17:49:00.000-07:00

Jillian muscled her way into a ballet class that her friend Lexi is in. The class was full so I couldn't sign her up, but she went with her friend every week and stared longingly at the girls in their leotards. Eventually the teacher just let her in. Persistent little boo.

We will see if she has a future in dance....not sure if these are the faces of the next great American ballerinas.

Someday....

2010-04-22T18:23:00.000-07:00

I hope for alot of things, like kissing a boy again, my child's happiness, and to someday write another coherent blog post. But as of the 17th of this month I had billed about 174 hours. So I am no closer to kissing a boy, I haven't really seen my child and I have not blogged. The last two are related because without seeing J I haven't been able to take pictures of her, which are usually the focus of each post.

Once things calm down, I hope to post. I have a bachelorette party to go to in a few weeks, so maybe I will get drunk enough to be attractive to a boy and thus be able to report on that ellusive kiss. But more likely, the subject matter will involve Jillian and whatever gem she has shared. Which I am sure any reader will appreciate more.

Now, off to make money for the partnership....

Livin' La Vida Loca

2010-04-02T18:04:00.000-07:00

I am sitting and watching "New Moon," which I paid $4.99 for on on demand. And it is TERRIBLE. I admit I read each of the Twilight books in about two days and enjoyed them for the most part. But this movie is a disaster. I had settled in with a cup of tea, Boo in bed, ready to relax, but this movie is actually making me angry. So now I blog.

About nothing in particular....so here are a few shots of how J and I spent our Friday night.

First, she decided to get fancy. Or as I like to call it, "dress like a crazy person." Then she loaded up two stuffed puppies and a doll into a stroller and we went to get some pizza. Because that makes sense. I took one look at the stroller and said "are you really taking all that crap?" When we got to the restaurant J looked at me and said "I need a place to park all this crap." Nice. After pizza, we went to the park. To do the following:

Walk the dog:

Then do alittle "parenting" by pushing the doll in a swing:

Still more parenting tasks, such as picking up the child after it falls off the swing and crashes to the ground (note to those that recently because parents, ahem, bizarley and THC, this is not what to do with your new baby on the playground):

Step one - baby in treacherous position:

Step two - when baby falls, check in on it:

Then we went inside and J decided to be a vet for awhile. But notice she would not put down her "pocketbook."

All in all not a bad Friday night even though I am now sitting alone, AGAIN. Only if I never put on this dumb ass movie.

The Apple, it does not fall far....

2010-03-23T18:06:00.001-07:00

On Wednesday, Jillian saw a commercial for Sketchers, the shoes. And a can of worms was opened. Now, she has always been interested in shoes. She has a million pairs and is very picky about when she will wear what. But this was a whole new level of obsession.

As we ate breakfast, we talked about Sketchers. She wanted pink ones and then "brown ones with sparkles that are boots." The second request was confusing, as I had not seen the commercial (I was brushing my teeth), but alittle googling taught me that she mean a high top chuck taylor like shoe. Anyway, she talked and talked and talked about them. I told her that we can get Sketchers, because she needs shoes anyway. So then on the walk to school she negotiated when exactly we would purchase said Sketchers. I offered Saturday, she said why not after work that day? I offered Saturday again, she accepted.

So we went to the mall this weekend. Luckily, they had the Sketchers she wanted at Nordstroms. They are pink, COVERED in sequins, and have butterflies on them. They are redonk. And apparently they are called "twinkle toes." And apparently, I have to refer to them as "twinkle toes" not as "sparkly sneakers."* She also picked out about four other pairs of shoes and proceeded to try on the floor samples as she was soooo excited. Finally, we got someone to help us and she informed him that "the commercial told me that I should want them." Then she tried on the Sketchers and two other pairs of sandals. We negotiated that she could get the Sketchers, er Twinkle Toes and ONE pair of sandals if she was good for the rest of the day, listened to me and didn't fuss at bed time. Deal. We shook on it and everything. I guess that shoes are worth pretty much anything.

Then the entire way home she held the box of Sketchers and said "I love my Sketchers" over and over again.

Thus, so while my child does not look like me at all, I know she is mine because at age three she is obsessed with shoes.

In other news, on the playground I overheard an adult tell her, "Looks like you figured that out" and J respond "I figure out alot of things, I am very smart." And modest.....

* Kind of like how there is no "Houston" only "Houston, Texas."

Happy St. Patty's Day!

2010-03-17T18:15:00.000-07:00

My mom has been here this week and bought J a green outfit and shamrock barrettes. There were 6 barrettes in the package and J insisted on wearing all 6 today to school. So what the hell, go for it little boo.

In other news, today at work an assistant came by and asked if I wanted to go to the bar at lunch. I figured maybe my new firm was cooler than I originally thought and they went for green beers at lunch on St. Patrick's Day. I was really busy, but again, what the hell, I'll drink at lunch. Thus, my answer was "always, where are we going?"

Turns out that she was asking if I wanted to go to a Philadelphia Bar association event where John King was speaking at lunch. Whoops.

In my defense, she was wearing green. Thus, I took her for one to celebrate the day.

Oh well. Lately, I have been thinking that I need a job that is easy. My life is a constant brain fart and I feel like I am not smart enough to do my job. Any suggestions?

Like Sands Through the Hour Glass

2010-03-13T16:20:00.000-08:00

So are the days of our lives....only mine is not worthy of a tv show. There are no evil twins, secret pregnancies that end in a baby being stolen, and no Stefano DeMuro.

Today is the Erin Express, a Philly tradition and an complete drunken debacle. It also marks my three year anniversary of living here. I can't believe it has been three years, yet at the same time, it feels like I have been here forever. J is alot bigger, I have a new job, I have more bad dates under my belt, I worry about my parents more, but other than that - still a lawyer, still single, still basically the same.

I have two divorced friends, who have been separated/divorced for about the same length of time that I have been. They will both be getting married this year. I have yet to enjoy myself on a third date.

In fact, the last date I went out on was a third date. This is how it ended - I get in a cab, he follows me, I say that is ok, he gets in anyway, I try to pay for the cab, he won't let me (he wouldn't let me pay for anything over the course of the three dates and was kind of flashy about money while at the same time condescending about it), I informed him that my money was good and that I had a job, cab stops I get out and say I am fine, he starts to get out, I push him back into the cab and said "don't" then I walked to my house.

Needless to say, we were not making any love pies.

Sigh. Everyone keeps saying that it will get better. I guess I will just keep waiting. Until I am in a nursing home by myself hoping J visits.

I apologize for the lack of postings lately. I have been swamped at work. I have not seen my office in two weeks because I have been traveling and I am so exhausted I don't know what to do. Which is a bummer because I like blogging and I don't want to lose the few readers I have!

The Jillian Show Goes On the Road

2010-02-24T16:18:00.000-08:00

J and I went to Houston TX to visit with justsomeguy and bizarely and the rest of the crew down there. Here are some of the Jillian highlights:

- turning to person next to her on the plane, asking her name and then telling her that bizarely could give her a ride when we landed, if she needed one. Then looking for that person when we got off the plane.
- asking bizarley, sua sponte, if she is having a boy or a girl (we never even talked about how that is something you can know before having a baby)
- various princess games in which J was the princess, bizarley was always the evil queen, I was a dragon and justsomeguy and THC rotated as the prince.
- J telling bizarley that I get upset when she gets upset at stupid things such as ponytails, dresses, tights....
- Taking J for a big Tex-Mex lunch where she told her "jokes" and bizarley told her that she didn't have to eat if she didn't want to, to only get death stares from me and the other mom at the table. Oh so much to learn.
- J and E

- Jillian mingling at the baby shower, talking to people I didn't know, then asking bizarley if she could help with opening the presents.
- J being very good on the plane both ways and at the airport. Although when we landed in Houston and got off the plane, she said "Oh man, we are still in the airport!"

Now bring on the damn snowicane.

Insert "Snow + end of world" catch phrase here

2010-02-07T14:06:00.000-08:00

This weekend it snowed in Philly. Like 28 inches. Second worst storm in Philly's history, the first one being in January 1996. I has the pleasure of being here for the 1996 storm because I was a freshman at Penn and even though it was winter break I was on campus for fencing practice. It was a rough scene, cheesesteaks were served on white bread and a bunch of fencing dorks were left with nothing but their own imaginations and bottles of 151.

This storm was decidedly different. There was no 151, it is 14 years later, I have a kid, and my parents decided to come down. Which reminds me, why can't they understand that used paper towels and napkins are NOT recyclable? I tell them ever time they are here but it is like they can't grasp the concept.

Anyway, I am rambling. I am using the last 10 minutes of peace I bought myself with an episode of Scooby Doo to write this, thus it is somewhat unplanned. I have alot to say but I am apparently unable to say it in an interesting or readable way. So here are a few haikus about what is going on.

The new job is fine
Some people are jerks, others nice
I'm still a lawyer.

I went on a date
Not much more to say on that
That says it all, no?

There is lots of snow
But I have dvr'ed shows
So I am all good.

Talent, or lack there of

2010-01-22T18:58:00.000-08:00

I have a personal "bucket list" of things that I would like to do while I can. Since Katrina, one of those things has been to help out in a disaster in a meaningful way. To be clear - I do not want a disaster to happen, at all, to anyone. But immediately after Katrina, I visited bizarely in concrete city, along with justsomeguy and TFry. The trip had been planned for awhile, so we were basically all meeting up (as we tend to do about every 6-8 months) to booze, laugh, dance in windows and see if bizarely whipped out an outfit that makes us all ask if she was having a Chico's kind of day.*

But then there was Katrina. We all arrived in Houston the Friday before Labor Day, as did some of the first people bussed from New Orleans. So we all put down our mimosas that morning and went to volunteer at one of the arenas that was operating as a shelter.

Our basic task as volunteers was to sort donated clothes in preparation for the arrival of people to the arena. We were happy to do this task. We also did some other things, putting water on the cots, getting together toothbrushes, etc. The medical professionals set up their station, various social services were there too. There were also groups of people there NOT helping, but just taking pictures of themselves in front of the chaos, presumably for us in publications about how they "helped."

And then the first bus full of people came in. These poor people - some of them were caked in mud (and the hurricane had hit days before - and we all know about that), kids clinging onto their parents, you could tell that they had been through alot by the time they came up to get some used clothes and maybe a smile.

Obviously the focus of the day was not (and still is not) 4 twenty somethings with a butt load of education and paying jobs. At the same time, I couldn't help but wonder what it might have been like to really help. To be a doctor or nurse who saves someone's life, or a musician who can go on a telethon and raise millions (along with other famous people). I felt like I couldn't give more that what I did on that day** - a bottle of water and an encouraging look, even though I had no idea what the future held for those people. And cash, I could give money to assistance funds.

Now with the earthquake in Haiti, I feel kind of the same way. I can only give money. I would like to help more. I wish I had a skill to do so.

I will continue to do pro bono work locally, but the next time that something like Katrina or Haiti happens, I want to get on a plane and really help. Although I hope that I never achieve this goal because there isn't something like this in the future.

*To be fair, bizarely does not dress like she shops at Chico's, or at least was not doing so in September 2005. She didn't start that kind of stuff until October 2009 when she interpreted "Ninja" (it was Halloween in Vegas) to involve cropped pants and high heeled mary janes. It was a far cry from ninjas circa 2002, which involved us in pleather pants from Wal-Mart.
** Now I have the legal knowledge to assist with obtaining insurance coverage for those affected (if they had insurance, which opens a can of worms, because that limits who you can help). In 2005, I could have helped with someone who had their DRAM chip design misappropriated or something along those lines. I was still a very baby lawyer and didn't even know about insurance recovery.

First Day Rambles

2010-01-18T17:16:00.000-08:00

For the first time since becoming a lawyer, I started a job and was excited. Ok, that is a lie. I was excited when I started my clerkship, but my last firm and my first day at the Philly office after transferring were not particularly exciting. Today, even though I sat through such thrilling things as "phone training" and "benefits," I was happy and ready to go. I think I made the right decision. I hope once I start really working that holds true.

I am not sure borrowing J's outfit from above was the best move though....

Tomorrow I have to go to a portrait studio to have my bio picture taken. They put up full length body shots of us, so I am NOT looking forward to it.

And I finally came up with some resolutions for 2010. They are to (1) use and enjoy things that are sunk costs, such as jacuzzi tub, piano, and pricey candles, (2) remember to bring the freakin' reusable grocery bags when I go shopping. I always forget and then buy new ones because Whole Foods employees judge you with their eyes, and (3) enjoy my kid, because she is pretty cool. And it doesn't matter if she is cool because I am a good mom or because nature is overcoming nurture. (and now for the rambling)

When J was 9 weeks old, we starting going to a mom and me group just so I had something to do and a reason to leave the house. The group leader was a nice, older woman who had raised two kids of her own. She told us that the first kid was awesome and everything a parent could want in a child. Then her second kid, was (and was still at the time) a nightmare. Obviously she loved him, but you could tell he put her through the ringer - drugs, booze, bad decisions in general, required a large amount of financial support, etc. She always said (to console the moms with OOC kids) that she thought she was a great mom with the first kid but was contradicted by how the second kid turned out. Her conclusion was that she hadn't done anything wrong in terms of raising the second kid, so she must not have done anything spectacular in raising the first.

My point is, since that time over three years ago, I have never once thought that J is great because of anything I did. If this sweet, motherly, SF bay area retired nurse with a penchant for clogs and "wacky" socks had a terror child and an awesome child then there was nothing I could really do to make J an easy kid or a hard one. And that is the honest truth. As much as people have said J is awesome, I never think "aw, yeah, that's because I rock as a mom."

In fact, I have an "adequate parenting rule" that I guess I have never shared. That is as long as my kid is clothed, fed, and warm and moving forward with education in some form 85% of the time, I am an adequate mother.

Today, I decided I am going to start taking a little credit for J being a good kid. Yeah, most of it is probably innate in terms of her nature, but that nature comes (in part) from me.

Return of the Chubby 5th Grader

2010-01-13T17:42:00.000-08:00

Today was my last day of work at my now "old" job. It reminded me of the last day of 5th grade at the Catholic school my mom forced me to go to for one year. I hated the year there. One of the girls in my class had her mom bring her in lunch from a restaurant every day (remember my home town has recently been featured in the "Real Housewives" series). So for my last day, and in order to make an obviously miserable kid a bit happier, my mom brought me lunch from Grosso's, including Cool Ranch Doritos. Shockingly, it didn't make everything better.

Anyway, when I left school on that final day in June 1987 or 88, you would have thought that I would have been thrilled. But I wasn't. I cried and was sad. To this day, I have no idea why.

Now in January 2010, I am sitting on my couch, done with a job that I have really enjoyed for most of the time, but have struggled with for the last year or so. And I am remarkably sad even though you would think I would be nothing but happy.

As with the chubby 5th grader, sitting in an awful plaid jumper (our uniform) in the back of my mom's station wagon, I am not sure why I am sad. I think some sadness is normal, but the amount I feel is somewhat unexpected. The intervening 22+ years since 5th grade have given me the wisdom to surmise why I am sad. Here we go:

- I have worked there for my entire career. It is weird to hand in my laptop, blackberry and building pass and walk out the door. And in this age of constant communication, it is hard not having that email address because that is how I communicated with many people.
- some people didn't take the time to say goodbye, even over email in response to my farewell email. People that I thought I was friends with or would have thought to. (I stopped by but they were not in). And the person I probably was closest too has kind of ignored me for a few days and then at the party tonight didn't bother talking to me. Like many things in life, it reminds me of X in that it is another way to passively show that I really don't matter to them. But whatever. It makes me sad, but I will deal.
- the exit interview had some really tough questions and it was hard to answer them honestly without coming off as bitter.
- I am detoxing from zombie meds and I feel physically terrible. Literally like a drug addict. Plus, I am feeling less like a zombie and am thus actually feeling emotions instead of nothing. (the flip side is that I feel truly and actually excited to start my new job, I feel positive emotions as well as negative ones now).

More Jillian related posts to follow. Promise.

A Smooth and Happy Transition

2010-01-07T16:50:00.000-08:00

Every new year I think the upcoming year has to be better than the last year, and even though over the past few years I have gotten divorced, experienced adultery first hand, nearly died in childbirth, blah blah blah, it never seems to hold true. Admittedly, 2009 has been another tough one. Worrying about keeping my job during a time when firm management could basically do whatever it wanted due to the economic conditions, X being X, general loneliness and sadness medicated with various pills that caused a variety of awful side effects and eventual zombification. So I ventured into 2010 without thinking anything other than whatever happens, happens and I will try to deal with it and be happy.

That all being said - some highlights of 2009:
(1) I quit my job. This has been one of the most awesome experiences of my life. I have been playing bad Santa and passing off horrendous cases to other associates. And since I do work that no one else at my firm really does, these unwitting associates are screwed. I feel bad, but I hand the stuff over with a smile on my face and suggest a treatise or two for them to read. And as clients shout that they want a motion for summary judgment filed immediately if not sooner, but don't want to pay more than $X, I just laugh. Especially because I am the only litigator that understands the deal that they are suing on. Client service be damned. Bridges be burned. (Ok, not really. I have been helpful and make it as easy as possible and there are plenty of people that I will miss after 5+ years at my firm.)

(2) Jillian got into pre-school. I know that this is kind of lame, but she got in early (she wasn't three yet) and it was pretty competitive.

(3) Developing and interest in Tudor era British history. Dorky I know but at the same time, reading about it is like reading US Weekly from the 1500s. So if I was to draw a venn diagram of history and gossip, the Tudors would be right there in the overlap. Anyway, this interest has saved me a lot of grief as it is one of the few things that occupies my mind completely.

(4) Many awesome trips to visit friends - Houston TX with J and TFry to see Britney, DC to find a tricky shark and debate whether or not mermaids have lady parts, San Francisco for Thanksgiving with J-town and letterpaperflower, while working the week in the office with justsomeguy, London to see jbux during my trip to Paris.

(5) The departure of X's first girlfriend after me. Well, not technically AFTER. I mean after cheating on your wife, I guess dating someone while you live in her house and she takes care of your kid may be during. But potayto, potaaato. I did not like her. She was a terrible person, probably still is. The new girlfriend entered the picture about 1 month after the breakup. I don't know this new one, in fact I just met her for the first time last week. But she has been in cahoots with X to be a bit mean to me at times (like when she "plays mom" they will rub it in). Anyway, while shaking her hand I realized that she was probably surprised I didn't have horns and a tail given what X had likely told her about me. Also, I realized that I just felt bad for her. She lives in a filthy house with X and probably thinks that she is in a great relationship. I wanted to tell her to call me up in a year and half and we can go get a beer. Or 75 beerosos. Whatever works.

This post is really long. I don't really have any goals for 2010. Just be happy and healthier, maybe less tv (but let's not kid ourselves), take things as they come. And go into my new job with a good attitude.

Now I am off to open a bottle of wine and put a fire in the fire place. Nothin' wrong with that.

Alittle late, oh well! Happy Holidays!

2010-01-04T09:14:00.000-08:00

Here is J performing a holiday song. As you can see (hear?) she has inherited my keen sense of interpreting song lyrics. Hope everyone had a happy new year!

Two Posts Today - Just call me an overachiever

2009-12-23T18:48:00.001-08:00

Auntie L came over this week to make a gingerbread house with J. Perhaps to make up for teaching J the pete and repeat joke? Anyway, J saw the box and said "this is going to be a masterpiece." Two minutes later I was reading the back of the Williams Sonoma box and it said something like "create a masterpiece with your children." Did she read the word masterpiece from the box? Unlikely, but still a weird coincidence. I never heard her use that word before.

The construction begins

And then J went to put on a gum drop in an overloaded spot, so I said that that place was full and she could eat it. She does, then promptly picks up another, informs me that there is no room for it on the house and that she better eat it...slick little boo.

Here is the finished product vs. how it was supposed to look. I guess this is what you get when you subcontract out the work....

Parenting Mu-Galto Style: Products

2009-12-23T17:53:00.000-08:00

Continuing on my last post while pictures of gingerbread houses and snow upload, here is a list of products that I found useful when J was a little boo. Again, I am by no means an expert, but my mom was out of control in terms of purchasing stuff for J. Oh and I have no idea why these things are good in terms of actual development studies or other uber parent information sources, they just were good for us. If you click on the link, it takes you to a place to buy. Just for convenience, I am not getting a cut from Target or anything. So here we go....

1. Munchkin Bottle warmer - this thing was just handy to heat up a bottle without making it too hot and without overheating the nipple. Yup, I said nipple.

2. Microwave Bottle Sterilizer - sterilizing bottles is a pain in the arse. Cleaning them too. The microwave bottle sterilizer was quite handy, just some water at the bottom and a few minutes in the microwave and presto - done. Does it actually work in terms of sterilizing? Who knows...but it let me check off "sterilize bottles" without much work, so sold.

3. Froggy Prison - this thing is great because you can put the kid in it and do things like eat, deal with partners who have your cell number, and brush your teeth. I probably put J in it when she was a bit too young and she barely could get her arms up and out of it. Hence the name froggy prison. See below, that is a young J.

4. Taggie Blanket - I don't know what it is about tags, but babies and toddlers love to rub them. When J was about 10 months, this blanket was important in the quest to get her to sleep. She still takes it to bed. I refuse to let her take it out of the house for fear of it turning into a "blankie." Um, I totally had a blankie btw.

5. Columbia Diaper Bag Backpack - I know, I know. This doesn't fit in with my designer handbag collection. And there are so many other cute diaper bags, kate spade, coach, LV make them. But this one is the best. Remember school? How a backpack freed up both hands to do stuff and didn't slip off your shoulder? That is a hundred times more important when trying to deal with a baby. This is roomy, comes with a changing pad, and has a hot/cold pocket for a warm bottle or a chilled bottle. It is awesome for traveling, etc. Go ahead an buy an expensive nice bag, but drop the $45 for this one too.

6. Aaarrrrgghhhh Spider! - I don't know what it is about this book, but J LOVED it. We read it all the time and I think it helped her start to recognize letters. Someone gave it to us, so props to that person (sorry I don't remember who!)

7. Hedgehog chew thing - Jillian loved this guy. We had multiple hedgehogs in case of loss. Google has failed me in terms of a site where you can buy it.

8. Breathable Crib Bumper - J rolled all around and got her sausage legs stuck in her crib on a regular basis. Of course, I was told I could not use the very expensive cute bumper I bought, so this ugly, but cheap and functional one would have to do.

9. A grandpa who is a baby hog - as far as I know, these are not available in stores.

I am sure there are more I don't remember. But I would like to give a shout out to today's inspiration - Ms. E aka "the Pipster" the new arrival in the jbux household. She is adorable, may grow up to have a British accent, and I can't wait to meet her! (JB let me know if you want this down...she is so cute, I couldn't help it!)

Parenting 101 Mu-galto style

2009-12-14T09:48:00.000-08:00

I was checking out bizarley's blog while eating some lunch today, and it looks like she made her first foray into shopping for the bun that is in her oven. This inspired me to share some of the parenting tips I have learned over the years. Keep in mind, NONE of these are from books, a few are from fellow parents, and I am generally too lazy to consider things like safety, etc. (I mean I try to keep J safe, but instead of baby proofing I just told her not to do stuff and she listened). Here we go:

1. Do not buy a Combi Stroller - they suck.

2. You do not need the Bugaboo unless you have a need to compete with other parents in terms of stuff. It is $900 and the bassennet part doesn't fold. Difficult to get into the car.

3. Of all the strollers I have purchased - which is 4 - I like the Bob jogging stroller the best for the city, and my free babies r us umbrella stroller for travel.

4. Purchase a baby bjorn (I never figured out any of the slings). With the baby bjorn, do not feel weird taking your baby to happy hour. Once the child is older, still take him or her to happy hour, just order him or her a cheese plate or chips. Ask them to substitute anything for the stinky cheese.

5. Chuck E Cheese is not a bad deal if you go at off times. They open at 9am and no one is there. $10 bucks of tokens buys you an hour and a half of "fun."

6. Ikea - seriously, take the kid there, run around, grap chicken nuggets, and it is a good day. (credit to St. Scobie)

7. Put the wii on one player but give the kid the second paddle. Then you can play against the computer but the kid will think he or she is playing.

8. Take everything that grandparents give you. Kids are $$$$.

9. Of all the stupid things I had, I actually liked the wipe warmer.

10. Bring the diaper bag everywhere. If you think oh, I will just through a diaper in my purse and go, something will go horribly wrong and you will wish you had the diaper bag.

11. When traveling ask for a bulk head seat (assuming you are not in first class). These are the ones right at the front with no seat in front of them. The airlines will usually give them to someone traveling with a child in his or her lap and this way no one can put their seat back and bonk your baby.

12. When the kid is about 1.5 get him or her a small stroller to push. They will love it.

13. Just give in to the Disney. It is going to happen.

14. Also get used to the fact that you can no longer pull the car over and pop in to get coffee or return a video or something. The baby is in the car.

15. You can spend lots of money on toys and the kid will want to play with a box.

16. Cheap stuff is fine - I recommend the target onesies that zip up. They are easier than messing with buttons and I gar-un-tee you won't mind throwing one or two out after a poo-splosion.

I am sure I have more and will update. Good luck to everyone who has recently had a baby or will in the near future! I want to come meet all these new little people.

So November was apparently blogging month...

2009-12-08T18:51:00.000-08:00

I guess I missed it for the most part. Sorry for the absence. Just alot going on - San Francisco for Thanksgiving, work going bananas, medicine that literally makes me a zombie, and X be an a-hole.

Anyway, I promise to write something entertaining, or at least something that makes an attempt at being entertaining, soon. Right now I am watching the biggest loser finale and then on MTV a new show that follows some of the girls from "16 and Pregnant." Needless to say, I cannot miss that.

In the meantime, here is a picture of J that I debated posting for a long time. If it is out of line, please let me know. But I don't need to know if you think I should have a mail order bride, anonymous spam commenter. The story behind it is that she has balsamic vinegar on her upper lip. When I make a salad to take for lunch, J likes to smell all the ingredients. It actually is hilarious, she wrinkles her nose and is all dramatic. Well today she got alittle too close to the balsamic vinegar bottle. And this was the result. And I am not posting this picture because I find the resemblance to a certain evil doer funny. Just because she looks ridiculous, and I thought like Charlie Chaplin until I took a second look. So please no one take offense. Or do, and let me know and it will come down.

Ok, after all of that, I am not going to post it.

Potent Potables

2009-11-17T17:37:00.000-08:00

This Saturday I tried karaoke at Yakitori Boy here in Philly with a bunch of friends, a bunch of sake and a bunch of Sapporo beers. Needless to say, it was super fun. It was also a bit sloppy at the end. And as a testiment to my age and situation, my body decided to revolt against my decision to imbibe. I did not get out of bed until 6:00 pm on Sunday. Total waste of the day. But also kinda worth it.

Saturday night occurred right on the heels of my first parent teacher conference for Jillian. So nice juxtaposition. Oh and X asking me if we could get an annullment of our marriage. That is topic for another day, because I could rage about it for a whole post. Which I probably will, but just another fun day in my life with X.

Anyway, J is rockin' school. Not surprised. The teachers love her, she is doing "work" beyond her age even though she is the youngest in the school, she is polite and has made a ton of friends. As stupid as it sounds, because seriously, it is pre-school...and it is Montessori pre-school, so I have no idea what is going on. Apparently, J plays with a pink tower (a stack of square pink blocks) and the brown steps (a stack of brown rectangles) at the level of a 4 and a half year old. Because that means something in Montessori speak. If the teacher was like "Yesterday she recited the preamble to the constitution" I would be impressed, but blocks? Whatever. I chose to believe that J is getting on with her self directed learning self.

Apparently I was so impressed with J that the next day I decided to get drunk off my arse like a dumbass.

Roadie

2009-11-03T18:55:00.000-08:00

As one commenter (Auntie L) pointed out, J acts as her own roadie. After her performances, she breaks down her microphone and moves it away. See below, but scroll up not down. Computers are hard. Oh and bizarley, you can have THIS microphone. It was a birthday present to J from someone who obviously doesn't like me.

Showtime at My House

2009-11-02T19:10:00.000-08:00

Jillian seems to overflow with energy when I get home from work. Recently, this energy has been channeled into "entertaining" me. Here is tonight's show. It consists of multiple segments, first a few songs to warm up, then a nonsense word song so that she can really get into the dance portion, finally she finishes up with some jokes. Ok, I lied, I have only put up the songs because it is taking forever to upload the videos and the Phillies just gave up 3 runs so I am convinced that my blogging is unlucky for the Phils. I will go back to sitting in the exact same position I was sitting in when they were hitting home runs....

My Parents vs. Any and All GPS Navigational Systems

2009-10-31T16:52:00.000-07:00

This weekend I went to the homeland (NJ) for my cousin's wedding. It was great fun, lots of booze, wealthy old dudes who made their fortune on bowling alleys and pin ball machines, way to much food, and a next day brunch that didn't start until noon (see lots of booze, supra).

But for the majority of the weekend, when I was not on a party bus, I was in the car with my parents and their navigational system. Driving with my parents used to be frustrating - my mom knows every single road in Bergen County NJ and my dad usual knows two ways to get somewhere (1) the right way and (2) a HIGHLY inconvenient, stupid way. He always chooses (2) and we can't say anything to him, well because, he is the dad. So basically it becomes my mom telling him where to go, him going his stupid way, everyone groaning because for this reason and also because they also only listen to "Oldies" and we are going to be in the car for a long time even if we are going 5 miles.

Enter the GPS. As a preliminary matter, my dad is a "fiddler" in that he physically cannot drive without messing with some knob in the car - the temperature controls, the radio, the windows, the mirrors, etc. Thus you always feel about one switch from CBS FM to 1010 WINS from an accident. Needless to say, the GPS (and satellite radio) ups this fear because it is another thing to fiddle with.

The GPS also creates a new dynamic. The entire ride, ENTIRE RIDE, is my mom going "Oh its taking us down X road!" "I wonder if we will go down X road!" "Do you know where we are? we are at X!" "L went to basketball camp here!" "You played soccer here!" "This is where you broke your foot!!" and my dad turning at the street before the street we are supposed to go down because "turn in 500ft" apparently means "turn now" to him. Well sometimes it is "is this the road? is it is it?" and my mom responding "Oh we are X!!!, it is taking us to X" and us missing the right turn. My dad also puts in random addresses because he claims the GPS doesn't recognize their address. So he uses his office's address. His office is three towns from their home. This "fix" adds 20 minutes on to every ride home.

After the last ride with them, I said goodbye, thanked them, got in my car and drove immediately home. To Philadelphia. Without using my effin' GPS.

In other news, they asked me if they could get rid of their apartment and live with me 10 days out of every month. Because I do believe that one should always be there for the people that were there for you in the tough times and because they are my parents, I obviously can't say no. Also obvious - this development solidifies what was already likely - I will be alone for the rest of my life.

A Tale of Two Saturdays

2009-10-25T17:23:00.000-07:00

Here is what Jillian did on Saturday. Compared to what I did. She went to the mall with my parents while I had the pleasure of going to work to draft an opposition to a cross-motion for summary judgment. I know, I know, I am one lucky girl. Without my supervision, Jillian convinced my mom to (1) give her soda (apparently she didn't like it) and (2) take her to the Disney Store. Effin' princesses.

That is when things went down hill in terms of our princess consumption. Somehow they left the Disney Store with a full-out Cinderella dress and glass slippers that are "up shoes"* and light up with each step. I think the total cost was upwards of $50. Seriously, Disney is a marketing machine. Then they got a Phillies t-shirt. I think that was about $8. Go Phillies! Or as J says "YEAH PHILS!! REPEAT!"

Anyway, I came home after a solid 6 billable hours (work has seriously picked up) and Jillian was sitting in a Cinderella dress, being a princess, while playing with a princess castle. And I was jealous.

*J's term for high heels.

A Farewell to Buddy

2009-10-18T09:13:00.000-07:00

It has been a rough month for pets at my house. First the untimely demise of "Mommy" the goldfish. Then on Friday at about 11 am I got a call from our nanny telling me that my cat Buddy had died. Buddy wasn't sick, he was approximately 3 years old, and it was all totally unexpected.

I told Jillian about it on Saturday when she wanted to throw the plastic milk ring to Buddy-bo. She asked if he would be coming back and I said no. Then she asked "does this mean we don't have a cat anymore?" When I said yes, that was when the tears came. I reminded her that she still had two cats at her father's house and J, once again demonstrating her practical thinking said that we should bring one of those cats to my house.

Anyway, I am bummed. Buddy was a good cat. Unobtrusive, a good companion, neat and clean. Not much more you can ask for in a cat. As soon as I held him in the shelter he started to purr, so we adopted him. He made good on that first representation and I am pretty sure he was a happy cat while he was with us.

So, pour one out for Buddy.

Life With a Three Year Old

2009-10-13T17:09:00.000-07:00

Jillian turned three last week. She was very excited, even though it was a low key birthday. Her teacher emailed me to say that they do a celebration first thing in the morning and that I was to bring in a COLLAGE OF PICTURES OF J. Seriously? A craft project?! Work has been busy and I do not have time for crafts. But I bucked the eff up and went to get craft supplies - poster board and a sharpie. Except there was only black poster board at the local CVS so I had to get glitter pens. $15 later I was armed to make the damn collage. And I did make it, at the very last minute.

It was worth it I suppose. J was very excited to see the collage and tell her classmates about the pictures. She told them that every picture of her when she was "boring." (She meant born, even though they were pictures of her "through the ages" as I was instructed to use). Then we ate munchkins. Good times all around.

Later, when we were home, we had some ice cream cones. She asked me if I like "messy faces" or "clean faces." I said clean faces (duh) and then she said "then don't look at me" and dug into the ice cream cone.

Fish update - I didn't buy the new fish. Instead, I told her that one fish got sick and was gone. She took it well. I didn't ask if it was "Mommy" or "Jillian." A week or so later, she informed me that the fish in the bowl was "Jillian." I guess that means "Mommy" bit it.

I am totally boring lately, but wanted to post some pictures of J's birthday.

Sleeps with the Fishes

2009-09-26T20:45:00.000-07:00

J's nanny bought her two goldfish. This was a long time coming and I had dodged it for months. But it happened on Monday. Two fish. In a small bowl. Just waiting to die within a few weeks, maybe months if they are lucky.

I asked J what she named them and she said "Mommy and Jillian." I was touched. But apparently she told X when he was sad he was left out that it could be "Dada and Jillian" when he was at our house. (Just picking her up).

But today, a Saturday on a weekend that I don't have J, I checked in on the fish and sho 'nuff one was floating on top of the water, dead. Didn't even make it a week. She or he didn't look good the other day and I told J that she/he might be sick. Turns out she/he was sicker than I realized.

Now the question is - do I get a replacement fish tomorrow and act like nothing happened, or do I tell her about the demise of either "Mommy" or "Jillian?"

The pros of telling her the truth are (1) I don't have to find a pet store tomorrow to get another fish; (2) I REALLY do not want the fish, so I don't want to prolong this whole fish experiment, which replacing the fish would do, and (3) I don't have to lie to her - I actually don't lie to her, I mean she normally catches me in it anyway or calls my bluff....

And the cons are the following: (1) we have to deal with the concept of death; (2) she named the fish MOMMY and JILLIAN (I really wish it was like Nancy and Tony or something); (3) the trauma may require another fish which defeats one of the pros.

So what do I do? I really don't know. I have until Monday at 11:45pm to figure it out.....

WOOF

2009-09-24T18:52:00.000-07:00

Jillian has learned to ask people with dogs if their dog is friendly and if she can pet it. So now, every time we see a dog she wants to talk to the owner. The owner is rarely a hot single guy.

J's love of dogs goes back a long way. "Woof" was one of the first words she said. She called dogs "woofs" (and horses were "woofs" and cats too). Here she is with a great dog, Emma, who we got to hang out with in concrete city. Oh and when she was going through a tutu phase.

And here is J, bizarley and Emma playing a game called "go to your home." Basically J or bizarley would tell both dogs to go to their home (cage) and one dog would listen - that would be Emma - while Harley either ignored us or just checked out what was going on and went on his way.

Anyway, Emma is getting alot of (long overdue) press these days, so I am jumping on the bandwagon.

This fool got into school?

2009-09-22T19:05:00.001-07:00

Just kidding J is no fool. Just acting like one in this picture. Apparently she is tearing it up at school. She got to use scissors for the first time ever, made a peace pinwheel, and is already talking about graduating. Yup, graduating to a school where she gets to bring her lunch in a lunch box, a lunch consisting of a sandwich and a juice box.

Above all, J does not even turn to say goodbye when I drop her off at school. She just walks right in, says hi to the people who open the door, and goes straight up the stairs her classroom. While I am beyond happy that she has transitioned into it without tears or fits, alittle angst about leaving home for part of the day would be nice. But, whatever, I will take a low key kid that just rolls with it.

Her teacher said to me, and I quote "that girl is going to run something someday, I am not sure what...but something."

Let's hope that it is some profitable corporation that does not flaunt Sarbanes-Oxley, does not need a bailout from the feds, does not create shell corporations to sidestep FASB regulations, and leaves little to no emissions footprint, rather than something like "the mob" or "a brothel."

A New Form of Torture

2009-09-17T17:17:00.001-07:00

Tonight I had to attend what would be "back to school night" in a normal school, but since J goes to a Montessori school, it is back to school night on crack. First there was a pot luck dinner with awkward mingling. And a bizarre selection of food because we were assigned to bring a dish for a particular course (apps, main, dessert) by last name but there were too many people with last names in the dessert category. I know, dear reader, you are worried that my homemade panna cotta got lost in the shuffle. Yeah right, more like cheesecake from a bakery in the Comcast Center food court.

I digress. After dinner was a "workshop." With icebreakers. I admit that perhaps I dislike too many things, including but not limited to, pictures of babies dressed as flowers, Chuck Palahniuk novels, city wide scavenger hunts for adults, cooked salmon, Disney Princesses, etc., but ICEBREAKERS are also on the list. I HATE THEM. Find someone who is left handed!!! One of you has met the President!!! Seriously, just kill me now. While tonight's icebreaker at least involved our kids' classroom and was only five questions long with one BONUS question, it still sucked.

I digress again. Weird dinner and ICEBREAKERS were not the full extent of the torture. So you know how things like this are almost bearable if you have a go-to person to talk to during the awkward dinner? Or someone that you can turn to and make fun of the parent who seriously just asked how many times the children wash their hands per day (if that is what you are worried about lady, you better be the one to volunteer for all the shit they want parents to do because clearly you have alot of time on your hands)? Well, when I went to roll my eyes at the hipster*/rock-a-billy, nose ringed, tatted up mom who needed attention like I need a date (read: badly) who asked who "my person" was - she wanted to know my kid's name but couldn't just ask like a normal person because she was so tragically hip - I only had X to commiserate with. On top of the fact that we do not particularly enjoy each other's company, he doesn't appreciate me criticizing the tragically hip.

Not to be dramatic, but it was what I imagine it was like when during the Tudor period some people were not just beheaded, but hung first THEN took down alive THEN beheaded. Here it was not just awkward dinner, but workshop with icebreakers, and then having only X as company and to joke with. Blech.

*Please note that while I rail against hipsters alot, I don't have a problem with people who are legitimately being themselves, including genuinely hip people. Anyway, this sentiment applies to anyone who trying too hard to be something; not just hipsters - it could be a dirty hippie/trustafarian, a suited up douche-bag handing his card out at the bar, whoever.

First Day in What is Hopefully a Long Academic Career

2009-09-08T18:20:00.000-07:00

Today was the first day of school. But it was just a short day with a parent staying in the classroom. What in Montessori terms is a "transition day."

After initially telling me this morning that she was actually not big enough to go to school yet, J was a superstar. She hung her backpack up in her cubby and went straight into the classroom. Absolutely not a care as to whether I was there. She checked everything out and was excited by things such as The Very Hungry Caterpillar ("hey we have that book at my house!"); steps up to a book nook ("can I put this book back?"); doing puzzles; playing with finger puppets; and chatting up a storm.

The highlight, however, was the toddler sized toilets and sinks. J LOVES when there are legit plumbing fixtures that are her size. That was the one time she acknowledged me - "MOMMY THERE ARE SMALL SINKS HERE!!! I WASHED MY HANDS IN A SMALL SINK!!!"

Whatever gets you through the day, little boo.

Leaving Your Child Unattended

2009-09-01T18:20:00.000-07:00

I admit to sometimes turning my back on J. Yeah, yeah, go ahead - judge. But it happens. Plus she learned to lock her bedroom door, which is awesome and not scary at all as I try to turn the knob and can't get in, wondering what the eff she is doing. So we are getting to that point where I just can't watch her every second. Well, maybe we have been there since oh, October 8, 2006.

Annnnyyyyyyywwwwwwaaaaaayyyyy, J wanted to do her own hair one day. Not a problemo as I don't do a very good job with her hair myself. So I handed her the basket of clips and hair ties. I turned my back and here is the result.

Another popular activity for when I am not paying attention is playing pranks on me. The current hilarioso prank is "hide the snake" (totally unrelated to the Ride the Snake Club from college). Basically this is how it goes: (1) J hides a snake (she has a shockingly large collection of snakes) and (2) I find it and "freak out" while she laughs. Examples below. The snake used in the pictures below was purchased by justsomeguy for J in Mexico during our infamous funship cruise and loves quite candlelight dinners, cuddling, world travel (obviously) and napping in between the pillows on the couch. Just in case you were curious about the snake's interests and background. (Yes, I read alot of personals...shut it.)

The Ropes

2009-08-25T17:38:00.000-07:00

On Saturday J and I had the following conversation:

Me: Do you want to go to the Please Touch Museum tomorrow with Grandma and Grandpa?
J: Please Touch? Yes.
Me: You'll show Grandma and Grandpa the ropes?
J: Yup

The please touch museum was not discussed again until brunch Sunday morning.

Me: So what are you going to show Grandma and Grandpa at the please touch museum?
J: The ropes
Me: Huh? They don't have ropes at the please touch museum...
Grandpa: Yesterday you asked her if she would show us the ropes.
J: Yeah, the ropes.

I had totally forgotten that I had used that expression. Of course J hadn't and was using the expression literally.

I had cute pictures to post but for some reason my camera and computer are in a fight an the pictures are not downloading. This is the new camera that I recently purchased to replace the one I got for Christmas that decided to only take pictures of black squares. I am annoyed.

Putting the hurt on some corn

2009-08-21T15:42:00.000-07:00

J loves corn on the cob. It is hilarious to watch her put ear after ear away. Today I skipped school (work) and we went to Wegman's together. (Where by the way, you can purchase a snuggie, so it was gratitude overlap - J, snuggie, wegz). Anyway, we got some fresh jersey corn. One of the many things Jersey just gets right. That along with political corruption and hair that doesn't move in a tornado.

J puts away cob one:

Notice that the mac and cheese isn't even touched - MAC AND CHEESE! NOT TOUCHED!

Then round two:

How does one burn off all these corn calories, you may ask? Easy. Wiggle Dance

Gratitude List

2009-08-19T16:51:00.000-07:00

Last night I was watching "Secret Lives of Women: Mothers of Murderers" which was oddly riveting, and at one point a mom was sharing how her son who is in jail for life makes it through the day.

Apparently, the son said that he keeps a "gratitude list" of things he can be grateful for despite his situation. While I had a typically whiney post planned, I decided that if a dude in jail for life can find some stuff to be grateful for, so can I. So here we go - my gratitude list as of today.

1. A healthy, funny child

2. My family - sisters included even though they are not in the picture

3. My snuggie

4. My friends, old and new, the ones I see, the ones I don't see often but pick up with as if we hadn't been apart, all of them. (No picture because I wasn't sure who would want the extreme popularity that comes with being associated with this blog. I am talking paparazzi, being stopped on the street, all the trappings of fame.) Wait, I lied, here is a cute one and since it was Auntie L's birthday celebration, she was famous anyway. As is Baby E as she a baby about town.

5. The fact that I have a job

6. My education

7. The fact that I am not on the Maury Show (I am watching it dvr'ed right now because I was home with food poisoning on Monday and saw the first half of "I slept with two sisters am I the father of both their children?" and could not bear to not find out the answer, so I recorded the next day's episode and the results are in - HE IS NOT THE FATHER!!! Of the baby of the sister he is not dating, THANK GOODNESS I KNOW)

8. My general physical health

9. My jacuzzi tub or more that I was able to create a nice space for myself, as in it was in my reach to do so.

10. The fact that J will experience "picture day" for the first time on January 29 (I was looking at her school calendar today because I don't want to blow more deadlines - I almost booked a trip for myself to the beach for her first week of school EVER, nice work)

11. Wegmans

12. My house, leaving aside the pesky mortgage

13. My ability to leave X despite being in a "delicate way" (huge) and scared out of my mind, instead of still being in a terrible relationship to this date - I am grateful for this for myself and for J, as I do think it is better for her that we are not together

14. Generic prescription sleeping pills

15. Cheeseburgers and a good beer

I had a goal to write 15 things, without all of them being a joke. Of course many of the things I am grateful for have corresponding things that bring me down and thus were conjured in the making of the list. Or for example, my diamond stud earring would have been on the list, if they had not gone missing.* I tried to compartmentalize the bad from the good, and did so for the most part other than the mortgage thing.

*these earrings are of import because I bought them for myself as a present when I got my first bonus from the firm. I had had a bad day, X had been particularly miserable, and I just went for it, rationalizing that I would have them forever. And also that it was taking the money and turning into something that X would not notice as an asset if we separated. So he couldn't take them. Thus, their disappearance is very disappointing for those reasons. Also I wore them pretty much every day. I guess earrings are just "things" so I should let it go. But I am bummed. Anyhoo, I am grateful to have had them for the years I did.

Chubby Yoga

2009-08-12T16:04:00.001-07:00

J was demonstrating some yoga moves today when I got home from my cool job.

First, she needed to get out a mat.

Then find a spot in "class."

Start with a little down dog split.

Then tree pose.

End with airplane pose.

Namaste.

Wine School: An Attempt to Meet People

2009-08-08T17:53:00.000-07:00

I just returned from Wine School. I signed up a few weeks ago, not to learn about wine, but to try and meet people. This class always sells out - always - so I figured maybe I would make a new friend, maybe there would be a cute guy, perhaps I would learn something. I realized that it was very yuppie and likely on the list of stuff white people like, but at least I would get out of the house. Which is something I seem to do less and less of these days on the weekends I don't have J. I miss that little boo.

Of course, the class I go to had sold out but of the 20 spots only 9 people showed up. And were comprised of two couples, two girls together who were like 23, and 3 cougars. I count myself among the cougars, although I was the youngest so maybe cougar-in-training is a more appropriate description of me.

Clearly wine school is something that desperate middle aged women do to entertain themselves and/or meet men. I am a cliche.

I met no men and made no friends.

But I did LOVE wine school. It was really fun and I learned alot. My knowledge of wine is quite limited. Like when Mama V told me to DRINK THE BOX-O at beer bike years ago, I did and I LIKED it. Bizarley is hawking a new brand of boxed wine, and I am like, hmmm - I should get that.

I also will gladly drink Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill and not in an ironic way. It is delicious.

But at wine school, I learned about non-boxed wine. And I want to sign up for another class, with the motivation just being to learn, not to meet men.

I am disappointed that there was not even a prospect in attendance. Another example of how I am trying, but nothing is happening. I am starting to think I may actually never, ummmm hook up, for lack of a better way to say it, again. I watch shows like the Tudors and tear up during certain scenes because I don't even remember what it is like to do such things. Sorry if this is TMI. There was alot of wine at wine school. And now, per usual, alot of whine in this post.

My Imaginary Boyfriends

2009-08-06T11:14:00.000-07:00

As I have no actual boyfriend here is a list of my imaginary boyfriends by category (please note that I use "imaginary" to refer to the fact that each individual is not actually my boyfried, some people are real and some are not):

Imaginary Vampire Boyfriend: Eric on True Blood - less sparkle than Edward and no competing with Bella/the love that lasts for eternity.

Imaginary Gangsta Boyfriend: Stringer Bell - yes, Wire fans, I know this imaginary boyfriend has some issues beyond the fact that he is a hard core drug dealer, but do not forget that he is an IMAGINARY boyfriend.

Imaginary Chef Boyfriend: Hubert Keller - the french silver fox of cooking. He just rocks and can cook meals worthy of three Michelin stars.

Imaginary Upper East Side Boyfriend - Chuck Bass. Enough Said.

Imaginary Reality Self Help Show Host Boyfriend - Dr. Drew. JUST KIDDING! I hate that guy. Steve Ward of VH1's Tough Love. I think he is cute and actually makes sense when he advises women on dating. And if we break up he can match me up with someone else.

Imaginary Dancing Boyfriend - Ade of So You Think You Can Dance. Absent his "magic pick" he was hot and could spin me around with ease.

Imaginary Food Service Boyfriend - the guy at the Corner Bakery in the building of my office. I have a crush on him and only will go into that Corner Bakery when I think I look cute. So like once every fiscal quarter.

Imaginary Local News Broadcaster Boyfriend - Adam Joseph of Channel 6 Action News. He kind of smacks of guido which I not so secretly find attractive as I am from NJ.

Imaginary Sugar Daddy Boyfriend - is totally made up. He is single, somewhere between 38 and 45 years old, has made alot of money, is attractive (to me at least) and like me enough to replace the diamond stud earrings that were lost or stolen last week.

I am sure that there are more imaginary boyfriends in my future.

Difficult

2009-08-02T16:47:00.000-07:00

is the nicest word I can think of to describe my child this weekend. Right now I am listening to her scream at the top of her lungs instead of going to bed. She was bad this afternoon* and I told her that if she didn't stop doing something bad, one of the 1,000 bad things she did today, I wasn't going to read her a bed time story. She didn't stop, so I am not reading a story and she is having an absolute fit. It breaks my heart to hear her screaming, but I cannot have her continue to act as poorly as she did today.

And it is not the first time today I have listened to her scream at the top of her lungs today.

Some of this behavior is likely my fault. I have had a short fuse with her lately, I have been busy at work, tired, lonely, and my diamond stud earrings went missing. She is a great kid, so I feel bad. I don't know how much of it was my fault, likely 95%, but it has been a rough weekend for the most part.

I just want it to be over.

So that it can all happen again tomorrow.

*we were supposed to go to a birthday party but the main highway through Philly was CLOSED. By the time we got out of the backed up traffic because of the closure we would have gotten to the party about 1.5 hours late. So we didn't go. I felt bad so I told J we could make cookies. So we did - chocolate chip from scratch. I am trying, really I am.

"That" Mom

2009-07-29T17:25:00.001-07:00

I think I am going to be "that" mom in Jillian's class. You know the one who barely has it together, forgets to pick up her kid, doesn't go to parent teacher conferences, basically the one that all the other parents look down on and judge. Because the other day I received this email:

*******
Dear Parents & Board Members,

This Thursday, July 23, at 8:15, there will be a coffee on the 3rd floor of the GTS Primary to introduce teacher. Please RSVP. The coffee is for adults/parent. We will be setting up another time for the children to stop by while teacher is setting up the classroom.

It’s going to be a great year. See you Thursday.

From,
Principal
*******

So I RSVP that I am going to be there and I show up on July 23 at 8:15pm. The school is locked, there is no one in sight. Because, duh, the event was at 8:15am - it was a COFFEE. Yup, don't expect cupcakes on J's birthday class, or me to be organizing field trips. Oh and J likes to tell people about "dada's new friend" and how said new friend "sleeps over" and "likes coffee" but isn't "dada's friend E that used to live with us." Awesome. She will tell the other kids this kind of stuff and I am sure their parents will be mortified. I take my place as "that" mom.

J is right to cover her eyes in shame. And yeah, that is a vegas t-shirt she is wearing.

First Class

2009-07-23T18:06:00.000-07:00

Anyone lucky enough to have flown first class, and I get to count myself among that group, knows that sucks when you have to fly coach. Which for me is 98% of the time. This Tuesday I experienced going to a baseball game first class. And it was AWESOME. Yes there is the idea that nose bleed seats and a $10 hot dog next to some fat guy rooting for the other team has its own appeal, but on the other hand, there are diamond club seats at Citizen's Bank Park.

I won the tickets in a raffle a few months ago. I have actually been on a raffle winning streak, I have won every raffle I have entered in the past year - a DVD player, Bose headphones, a set of upscale cosmetic bags, and these tickets. I would trade my luck in raffles for luck in (1) dating or (2) job hunting. But I am happy winning the raffles nonetheless.

Especially when you go to a phillies game and Tommy LaSorda is sitting 10 rows BEHIND YOU. I said hey to him as I walked up to the bathroom. And there is waitress service. And you are sitting almost on the field. And the Phillies win.

It was just awesome. Here is a picture that shows how close we were, but please keep in mind that it was taken at 10:30 pm during the 13th inning. My hair looks cuter in person.

Sesame Place

2009-07-17T18:11:00.000-07:00

Today J and I went to Sesame Place because her nanny needed the day off. I have been busy at work, but figured I would take advantage of the extra J time. Plus, our friend A, who is employed by the parent company of Sesame Place, hooked us up with the tickets.

We had a blast. Splashing in the various water playgrounds, trying to chase down Ernie to give him a high five, enjoying an Elmo cupcake. Unfortunately my camera has decided that it only takes pictures of black rectangles. So I have no pictures of the day.

Then we came home and J watched an episode of "Wipeout." You know that stupid show where people try to bounce across red balls and go down zip lines while getting punched in the face by mechanical boxing gloves? J loves it. She watches and shouts WIPEOUT every time someone, well, wipes out. It is hilarious to watch her watch it.

Oh and I cut off all my hair. Over 10 inches. It is really short, but I think I like it. I donated it to locks of love. So hopefully it will help someone else feel better in some small way.

Does this mean I am an adult, like officially?

2009-07-17T17:51:00.001-07:00

Today I got Jillian's class list. The one of the kids that will comprise her class in the fall and their parents. And there I am - right under Jillian's name. X is there too. Both of us with are contact information showing our recognizable in Philly law firm emails.

So I am the parent of a kid going to school and the other parents could feasible discern that I am a lawyer.

Totally weird.

Especially because lately I have been trying to channel my chubby fifth grade self, who landed in Catholic school after 4 years in the local public school and thus was the odd kid out. I remember being lonely, and feeling like nothing would ever change, but less lonely than I am now. And being stressed out because I felt like no matter what I did a nun was yelling at me, whereas I had always been a "good" kid when I was in public school.

I coped with my life as a fifth grader - I remember reading alot and having after school activities and finding some relief from the loneliness in those things. Seemed to work at the time, so I am trying to be that chubby girl again. To find solace in a good book, to not care that that the next day I had go to school in my blue plaid polyester jumper and knee socks that would invariably fall down causing the nuns to freak out.

I am not exactly sure it is working, because I can't find the inherent peace of a preteen just accepting that she is kind of a nerd and losing herself in a book. Not really knowing what she is missing. I also don't have my mom to give me a hug and listen to me cry as I tell her about how no one talks to me at recess or how Sister Anne screamed at me because I brought the wrong marble composition notebook to Math (I mean we were only allowed to have black and white marble composition notebooks - they all looked the same! It was a reasonable mistake).

So the arrival of the class list with my name listed as a "parent" was a bit ironic as I have recently rekindled my younger "hey I am not missing anything" self. I threw a little nip of brandy in my tea tonight, to remind me as I read my book that I am an adult.

Many Thanks/Drunk and Shouty/Please Touch Revisited

2009-07-09T18:49:00.000-07:00

All, thanks so much for the support on the blog. The truth is a do enjoying writing it and it helps me feel a bit connected to the world. So maybe I will keep it up. Here is the disclaimer though - I AM A WHINER - and if you keep reading the blog be prepared for some whining. Interspersed with not whiny things of course.

DISCLAIMER FOR THIS POST - I have had 2.5 drinks tonight, without eating, and have been laying off the sauce because it increases feeling of sadness, so I feel a bit drunk. Also, my phone just rang (it is 9:52 pm) and I got excited. However, it was my mother calling to tell me that her hairdresser was just on the Real Housewives of NJ. I actually got my hopes up that it was a booty call.

And today a client was making outrageous demands on a closed matter (so I can't bill for my time addressing said outrageous demands). The client is a friend of a 39 year old guy I went out with on 4 dates and then just never called. The guy also never made a move on me and I think he never called because we didn't make out. I am not good at making a move, but I was open to him doing so. I am admittedly hard to read, but seriously, walk me to my door! Anyway, after dealing with this client for a while, I just wanted to yell at him that I wasn't going to help him because I can't bill him for it and HIS FRIEND IS A PUSSY WHO DIDN'T MAKE A MOVE AND THEN DIDN'T CALL AND MADE ME FEEL BAD. Yeah, I just told a story about a guy who didn't call. I am awesome. But really, I have to deal with a friend of his as a CLIENT? That is just dumb luck.

And now the not shouty, but still potentially drunk part of the post: Please Touch Revisited.

Some of you may remember when Jillian and I took our first visit to the Please Touch Museum. It did not go that well. This Sunday we decided to give it another try, as it had moved into a new space in Fairmount Park. Also, I had become a member earlier in the week because the Trinidadian Nanny Mafia was going to roll there on Wednesday. However, there was a water main break in the park causing the museum to close and so they couldn't go. The kids were super disappointed. Jillian actually got on the phone with her friend B. They were on speaker and B goes - "how are we going to have fun now?" J didn't have an answer for that.

Given the disappointment, the newly minted membership, and the fact that if J and I stay in the house all day we drive each other crazy, I took her to the new Please Touch Museum this Sunday. And IT IS AWESOME. Seriously, so much better than the old one. And so much fun. Here is J doing a little painting. Note the importance of negative space in her work....

J also did alittle shopping at the grocery store. We don't know the girl working the register, but I was relieved that J didn't just refer to her as bizarley.

Also in the museum is a toy that I had when I was a kid that J now plays with because my parents apparently saved it for the past 30 years....

J and I explored the museum for a few hours, touching things as the museum asks us to do, and then sat outside and had our lunch. While sharing some delicioso watermelon, J looked at me and said "Mommy, it really is a beautiful day." I smiled at her and agreed. So it really can't all be that bad....

Ok, so I lied....

2009-07-01T17:22:00.000-07:00

But here is a bit more insight as to why I am not blogging for a little while. In short, I am a whiner. And I am just not in a good mood 80% of the time. For example, here is what is going through my mind.

- I just finished reading the Penn Gazette (Penn's Alumni Magazine). Apparently, many alumni are really successful, including people I graduated with. While I am happy for them, and my school in general, I read the magazine while watching Wheel of Fortune. I got the bonus puzzle right because I HAD ALREADY SEEN THE EPISODE. That is how lame my life is. I am reading a magazine about the accomplishments of my peers while taking in a rerun of America's Game. Awesome.

- I have to stop watching shows like "So you think you can dance" or "America's Got Talent" and "Top Chef." I find myself jealous of people who have some an actual talent. I wish I had a talent. One beyond something like ridiculous clothes memory. Because I am not sure it qualifies as a talent and there will never be America's Best Clothes Memory where the grand prize is $1 million. By the way, if you DVR America's Got Talent, you can watch the entire hour long episode in approximately 6 minutes. I squeezed last night's in between the end of Wheel and the first dance of So you think you can dance.

- I have realized that I really do not want to be a lawyer anymore. I also have realized after a week at my parents' house in S.C. that if the bottom drops out of my financial life (i.e. job loss, etc.) I cannot move in with them. I would go crazy. I am really at a loss. And I am tired. And stressed. And operating without a safety net. For the first time, I would put "new job" on my wishlist above "decent relationship."

- I kind of hate my house. I love it in a rational way, but for some reason I have never had a good vibe here. I thought the new bathroom and bedroom would make it better, now I just regret it all and the corresponding cash outlay. Maybe there is some feng shui issue or something.

So I am taking a break to safe everyone, actually not super sure anyone reads this anymore, from my constant whining. I am sick of myself.

Hiatus

2009-06-29T17:25:00.001-07:00

I haven't posted in a while, and likely will not post for the rest of the summer. Hopefully will be back sometime soon, but for now, I will leave you with another crack parenting tip.

If you can't find the directions to the build a pink house with flowers set of legos, a 2 year old will be very happy building what you dib "towers." See picture above.

This technique has earned me 1 creativity in parenting point and about 57 laziness points.

Peace out.

Dear Aunt J-town....

2009-06-01T18:09:00.000-07:00

Ummmm, thanks for the harmonica.

Usually I play the piano and J plays the harmonica. So if anyone out there plays the spoons, banjo, or jug, let us know. You can join our rag tag olde tyme band. Consider yourself warned though - we play alot of Disney tunes.

Jillian Makes A Funny: The Sequel

2009-05-28T13:17:00.000-07:00

This morning, Jillian and I had the following conversation:
J: I want a snack, I am hungry
Me: Do you want Cheerios?
J: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Me: do you want a cheese?
J: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Me do you want grapes?
J: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Me: do you just want to stand there and whine?
J: Mommy I am not allowed to drink wine. (Laughter)

At least she knows the rules - no wine when you are two and a half. Even in my house.

Correction

2009-05-27T06:29:00.000-07:00

In "Crazytown" post, I have now learned (thank you rockstarjenny) that there is no such thing as a wheel-barrel (that is why the spell check insisted it was misspelled, and why I stuck in the hyphen making up my own word). What I was talking about was a wheelbarrow. Despite the fancy kindergarten, I still have alot to learn.

I am admittedly not good with words that I only hear. For example, song lyrics. I mess them up all the time. Like on that SNL faux commerical for a record of people singing songs with the complete wrong words. Here are some of my better ones:

Little Red Corvette (Prince) as sung by me: "Miracle Baby, Baby you drive much too fast." These words do not even go with the tune.

Jumpin' Jumpin' (Destiny's Child) as sung by me: "Ladies leave your man at home, the club is full of ballers and their cocks are full grown." I was shocked that they were allowed to play this on the radio.

So it is not surprising that I thought wheelbarrow was wheel-barrel.

At least I never got an assignment to write a report on Euthanasia and do one on Chinese teenagers. I forgot who did that but remember the story being hilarious....

Jillian Makes A Funny

2009-05-25T17:08:00.000-07:00

We went to the circus on Saturday but ran some errands before going. I generally travel with a snack for her, and since she is obsessed with cheese, I offered her some for the ride. Here is our conversation:

Me: You ready to go?
J: Yeah, but I think I will leave my doctor's kit here.
Me: You probably don't need it at Lowes...
J: Can we get a car cart?*
Me: Sigh, yes. Do you want a cheese for the car?
J: Mommy, the car doesn't need a cheese, it isn't hungry! (Laughter)
Me: (Laughing) Fair point. Would you like a cheese to take in the car?
J: Yes, orange rectangle cheese (read: cracker barrel extra sharp cheddar).

* I curse the person who thought it would be an awesome idea to start making shopping carts with "cars" that kids "drive" attached to them or somehow incorporated into them. They are ridiculously hard to push, nearly impossible to maneuver, and sometimes unavailable which needs to be explained to J repeatedly when it happens. Also, J makes me pull it over in the store every few aisles so that she can put more "gas" into it.

Crazytown

2009-05-22T18:06:00.000-07:00

I am ringing in summer 2009 by eating leftover spaghetti-O's and watching a documentary on getting your kid into a preschool in NYC. It is bananas. Seriously. You have to call to get an application (which means that you may not even get to apply), then tours, then interviews and maybe 20 of 120 kids get in. And some of the schools cost close to $20K. The parents are like "if you get into Mandell, then you will get into the best elementary school, the best high school, and then an Ivy."

Crazy.

Town.

I admit that my parents wanted me to go to a private kindergarten - the Wallard Harpridge School. I remember being interviewed/tested to get in. My parents were apparently watching out of sight during the process. One of the questions they asked me was "how many wheels does a wheel-barrel have?" I answered "one" and my mom just sighed and said that was it, I wasn't getting in, because a wheel-barrel has three wheels. Needless to say, I attended the WHS that fall.

From then on, public school for me (except one year in Catholic School that went horribly wrong and caused me to threaten my mom with abandoning the Church if she did not put me back in public school). And then an Ivy. So there.

I must also admit that Jillian will be attending a private school in the fall. One of the best in the city. X and I pulled our shizz together for our interview and Jillian, of course, rocked hers. The interviewing teacher was at a birthday party that Jillian was attending and told X that she strongly recommended J even though J would not even be three when she enrolled. J played with the teacher, explored, and basically ignored us. Awesome.

(But J is generally awesome - today she was allowed to pick out a toy and chose a sand toy shaped like Cinderella's coach - effin' princesses. I opened it for her, she "read" the directions via pictures, and informed me that she needed sand for this toy. Correct-o-mundo little boo. So she said that she would take it to grandma and grandpa's house at the beach. Problem solved.)

I think that the school took J because J is going to grow up and do something awesome. And they want to be like - yeah that woman who is president or cured cancer or won the nobel prize started her education at our school. [Again I have no intent to push J to be any of these things...but if it happens I mean I won't turn down visiting her at the White House or anything].

That or applications were down because people can't afford the tuition in these trying times.

So to all my NYC peeps with kids - I will keep my fingers crossed for you. Come on fat envelope! But the documentary is ending and the most obnoxious family, but the one clearly with the most money, got into 7 schools. Some of the other kids didn't get into one. Bummer because every kid deserves to go to school.

Sorry for the long post - again - see first sentence of post. Not much going on right now.

Personality Test: FAIL

2009-05-20T16:35:00.000-07:00

I am not an actual princess, and unfortunately neither is J. Thus I have to work. My current job makes me what to shove a pen in my eye, so I interviewed for an in-house position last week. It went pretty well, I liked the General Counsel, and it seemed like one of the few companies that is growing these days. I was there for over 2 hours. During that time I was interviewed for about 25 minutes and spent the rest of the time alone in a conference room taking a math test, a grammar test, and a personality test.

As of yesterday, the word was that I had aced the math and grammar and that the General Counsel really liked me but they were waiting on the results of the personality test. Today I found out that I had failed the personality test and so I would not be continuing the process of interviewing.

I realize that this is an inherently ridiculous thing - judging someone on a "personality" test without bothering to actually get to know them or assess their skill level for a particular job. Especially because a bunch of the questions were real lose-lose questions like "When you make a promise you (a) always keep it no matter what the consequences or (b) feel that promises mean nothing." I am sorry but I believe in promises, think I am pretty loyal and that people can count on me. If, however, I promised to meet someone for lunch on a Saturday, but J wakes up that day all sick, then I cancel. This test implied that I would either have to screw all promises OR in the situation just described, take heroic measures to make J better or take a sick child out to a restaurant (which is a stupid move for many reasons.) I remember thinking to myself, why don't they define "promise?" Are they thinking of something like adhering to plans or something bigger like vowing to "love honor and cherish?" Which is a promise I made and kept until the bitter end. Would they judge me for leaving a shittastic marriage? So the test was frustrating.

As you can tell, I am annoyed. And while I am trying to keep a level head about it all, I can't keep thinking that I failed a personality test and that is a blow to the ego. Also, given my continued success in dating (I am now on date 4 with someone who kissed me once on the third date and zero times on fourth - there is no one else on the horizon for me) maybe I am doing something wrong. Like in a deep way, not perceivable to people outright, or that I am even consciously aware of, but sensed by others in some visceral way, using an internal gauge. Or by a personality test. Maybe I should ask for the test results....

Yes, I realize that I have friends regardless of the test. And that I probably do not want to work for a private company owned by people who insist on basing their hiring decisions on a bull shit personality test. Even when the department hiring would like to continue getting to know someone with the "wrong" personality. Still, I am bummed. I could use a win.

Interpretive Dance

2009-05-18T17:39:00.000-07:00

So much to say due to the lag in posting. Vacation in Paris, 10 year reunion, job stress, hilarious Jillian stories.

But I am tired and Gossip Girl is on so I am just doing a short post. And here it is...in honor of TFry's birthday....J doing an interpretive dance to "Can you feel the love tonight" from the Lion King.

Houston Part III: Brit Brit

2009-04-23T17:52:00.000-07:00

One of the highlights of the Houston trip was joining the ladies of concrete city in going to see Britney Spears in concert. There was no jumbotron, you couldn't see Britney, there was no way that she sang even one word, she totally lost a step in terms of dancing, but it was AWESOME. We got drunk (well those of us who are not pregnant or breast-feeding, a funny part of going to an arguable teeny bopper concert in your 30s), someone (AA?)purchased a light up boa (which she gave me to give to J, but I threw it in my suitcase without shutting off the lights resulting in a dump search of my suitcase by TSA, but it was worth it because J LOVED the Britney boa), and we even miracled an 18 year old with the extra ticket we had. I am not gonna lie, I bought a t-shirt.

Here is the stage:

Bizarley's reaction to Britney coming on stage:

It's Britney Bitch: (not the best photo, I know)

Me and Bizarley who gets mad props for suggesting that I celebrate my 32nd birthday with Britney and treated me to the ticket:

You may be wondering what J was doing while we were screaming Hit Me Baby One More Time at the top of our lungs. Well who was not with us at the concert? Yup, THC. And he came through big time. We left him and J watching Cinderella, and made the deal that she would go to bed after the movie. She shook on it and generally is good about following through on deals she makes. Apparently, after Cinderella she wanted to watch another show. THC suggested a new deal: they watch a show of his choosing for 5 minutes then she would go to bed. J agreed, shook on it, and THC put on SportsCenter. J asked to go to bed two minutes in. Nice work.

Empathy

2009-04-22T16:43:00.000-07:00

Today has been a rough day. After a rough couple of days. Passport issues that may wompus my upcoming trip to Paris, washing machine breaking and leaking all over, constant construction, bank screw ups with checks, a cold/sinus infection I can't seem to get rid of, stress at work, consistent bad customer service preventing anything from getting done, the self-absorption of many of the people around me, and a kid who can go from zero to full on tantrum in less than one second over ANYTHING. Then today I get a notice for a collection agency about a $25 balance on an account at an unnamed doctor's office. I called to dispute the validity of the claim - within 30 days as required by law - and ask the name of the doctor who needed to be paid. The person was such a jerk to me (and obviously an idiot who was bad at her job, because if she told me the name of the doctor I could have maybe remembered what it was for and paid, which is the end goal of collection agencies right?) that I just lost it.

Granted, it is $25 and I should just pay, but I was so annoyed that I had never gotten a bill from any doctor and I have to go to the doctor's tomorrow (the doctor I am guessing submitted the claim) due to the never-ending illness and figured I could ask them about it. So I disputed it for now.

This person being mean was just kind of the last straw. I hung up the phone and just burst into tears. I am just tired and feel really under-appreciated and sad with a touch of lonely. I mean, I don't expect J to say thanks for anything other than me handing her food, but it is sometimes hard to have no positive feedback compounded by many tantrums. And work is a stressful disaster because everyone is nervous and competitive. Thus, I go in every day thinking it may be my last. Then I may not be able to pay the stupid $25.

Anyway, Jillian is so awesome. She immediately ran over and told me not to be sad. I had melted into a puddle on the floor at that point, so she sat next to me and told me to take a deep breath and not to cry. Then she started to tell me why animals are so awesome to try to take my mind off things. 20 minutes later she went to bed without any trouble.

I felt terrible for putting my 2 year old in this position....so in some ways her plan backfired. But at the same time, I was proud of the empathy that she demonstrated and her ability to tune into how others are feeling and be there for them. (I always worry that she will be like her father in those respects, so it was good to see her act this way). I am lucky to have her, because every other day, she is all I got. The other days I have the dvr. (Yeah, yeah, right now I am having a pity party for myself).

Now the focus is to not be that terrible mom who puts all her troubles on her kid, forcing the kid to grow up to fast.

Houston Part II: The Playground

2009-04-20T17:44:00.000-07:00

Sorry part two of the Houston series has taken so long to get to. I am sick and exhausted and my bedroom and bathroom are under construction and have been on a series of dates that were meh, and blah blah blah. I am a whiner.

Anyway, back to fun stuff, Bizarley lives near a pretty cool park. The whole gang went there one night, and everyone joined in the fun.

THC did most of the heavy lifting:

Jillian was thrilled to have the big girls hang out with her. And Bizarley was more than happy to be her partner on the double slide.

J also insisted on hanging on the monkey bars all by herself. Not scary at all for me, her designated spotter.

I finally convinced her to take off her tutu. She loves these pants with the flower on her ass. Nice.

Jillian Explains Easter

2009-04-12T18:25:00.000-07:00

It has been a loooooooonnnnnnnnngggggggggg weekend. I do not think that Jillian sat still for more that 37 seconds at any point. And tomorrow the constructions starts on my bathroom and bedroom. So I am slowly moving out of there and hope to be done before the contractor gets here at 8:30 a.m. tomorrow morning. But first I have to watch the finale of Rock of Love Love Bus.

Anyway, we had a busy Easter day, hunting for eggs (which my mom bought, but I didn't realize she didn't buy candy to put in them until the night before at 10pm, so I had to fill them with left over Christmas M&Ms that I found in the back of the kitchen cabinet and loose change - again, I expect the parenting awards to arrive shortly), going to Mass, brunch with friends, and then Jillian's first movie in the theater.

Here is Jillian explaining Easter and looking for eggs. Luckily the Easter Bunny had told me exactly how many eggs he (she?) hid and the general area where they were. I did have to tell that to J because she was suspicious of why I was so good at looking for eggs.

Dinner with the girls

2009-04-05T18:09:00.000-07:00

Jillian and I met up with some peeps (Auntie Liz, Baby E and the rents, and Maize along with her mom and dad) at the square today and then went out to dinner. J has a crush on Baby E's dad. It is crazy and hilarious. She was sitting on my lap happily eating a snack. Then he sat down, so she immediately got up, sat in his lap and offered to share her snack. It is so funny to watch her interact with him.

Here is a picture of J and Baby E hanging out the Continental Midtown. Two cool cats on the town. Don't worry I cut J off after two martinis.

Houston, Texas Part I: The Zoo

2009-04-04T16:09:00.001-07:00

Jillian and I spent last weekend visiting Houston Texas. When we were landing, J looked at me and shouted "we are landing, Houston Texas here we come!!" Everyone within three rows of us was laughing. It was definitely an awesome trip and I will share the highlights in a series of posts. So this is the first of a series - the Houston Zoo. THC really likes to see the monkeys.

Another famous blog baby - Emily V joined us, along with her parents. It was hilarious. At one point, Jillian turned to Emily and said "Emily, I love your cup." Apparently, Jillian really liked Emily's frog sippy cup. It was like me turning to bizarley and saying "I love your shoes." It warmed my heart.

Jillian and Bizarley were both afraid of the bats, TFry got some dippin' dots, and THC was nice enough to put J on his shoulders so she could see the sea lion show. But then we told her she had plumber's butt (her underwear was showing) and she freaked. She HATES plumber's butt and goes so far as to inform strangers when they have it. Nice. And not at all awkward.

I digress. The zoo was really fun and it was a really nice day. Then I ate too much tex-mex while Jillian ignored her food, and went home for naps. This was after Jillian wanted a huge bag of popcorn, which I bought her, and she carried around the zoo like a stuffed animal (see picture). All in all a good day.

Above is a picture of some fools in a play boat at the zoo. And one of the two jokers who were afraid of the bats and thus played in the praire dog tunnels while the rest of us watched the bats eat a fruit buffet and chatted up the slightly odd zoo employee in charge of it all.

Dilemma

2009-04-04T08:53:00.000-07:00

Jillian likes tv. I am not one to judge given my love of all things television, including Rock of Love Love Bus, Gossip Girl, and other educational programs, but I feel like I am in charge of making her a well rounded person, interested in the world around her - not just the one projected through one of our three tvs. That is a long sentence that I am not going to bother to edit.

So, I was looking at new cars and like the Toyota Venza. I am not sure if I am going to buy it. In fact, I am pretty sure I am not. But anyway, it comes with a dvd player in the back. This is a tempting feature because Jillian will sit and be quiet for a long time if watching a movie. For example, on the 3.5 hour flight to and from Houston, she sat and watched Cinderella and a completed effed up My Little Pony show for the entire time. It made the trip much easier.

But here is the thing, do I want her to be able to watch dvds every time we drive? I admit that on one of our longer car rides, a 3.5 hour drive to Long Island, it was touch and go for a while. There were some tears on everyone's part. We made it, but it was exhausting and stressful. And since it is going to be just me and her in the car, at least 90% of the time, perhaps having the distraction will save me some stress. While this is a benefit, I also think it is a problem. When I was little, car rides and plane rides were where I would daydream and read and listen to music and color or draw. All good things in terms of creativity and being able to entertain oneself. I worry that if there is a dvd player in the car, Jillian will not have to develop that skill.

Thoughts? And yes, this is what I am thinking about on a Saturday morning when I do not have Jillian. Whether I want a car with a dvd player when I am not in the market to purchase a new car. I need a hobby.

Houston pictures and full report coming soon.

It's Britney Bitch

2009-03-31T17:08:00.001-07:00

J and I are back from Houston and have so much to report. Except right now I am exhausted, and the camera is up two flights of stairs, so the pictures will come later. We had an awesome time, so thanks to our hosts Bizarely and THC and to TFry for making the trip.

Also, thanks to Britney Spears for singing Hit Me Baby One More Time last night. Well I guess that she technically didn't "sing" it....

Choices

2009-03-17T17:02:00.000-07:00

Jillian has started a new habit of giving me choices. For example, the other night she told me that I had a choice - I could leave her light on "a little bit" or I could leave her door open "a little" bit. Then she forces the decision. I am not allowed to bargain for a third option or refuse to choose. It is hilarious.

She also knows where she is going to college. When we drive by Penn I ask her where I went to college and she says Penn. Then I ask her where she is going to go to school and she says "YAY PENN!" I should start saving as a year of tuition will be about $1 million dollars (said Dr. Evil style) per year.

Lastly, we have been talking alot about our trip to Texas. She knowns that we will be staying at bizarley's house, that Uncle justsomeguy and the artist formally known as TFry will be there. We have been working on our yee-haws and discussed the new friends she may meet while checking out their blogs. Watch out Texas here we come.

And the picture above is random. It is a picture of J before we went to our first bris. She actually had a good time because she loves bagels and schmears. She also found the dessert table very early. Then every time I turned around, I saw her streaking towards it in a blinding chubby fury to get some rugelach.

Wii Are Fit (Arguably)

2009-03-05T17:13:00.000-08:00

J and I got a Wii fit for Valentine's day. I didn't set it up for a while, as I was still working on my Guitar Hero skillz, but did a few weeks ago. J obviously had to be involved. As soon as the thing was out of the box and the tv on, she jumped on and did what she thought she should do based on the picture that is on the box. No prompting from me or instruction. Here is a picture.

Then we both did the fit test. According to the mean wii fit board, I am 44 in Wii fit years. J is 22 and has like a 35% BMI. Of course she does she is two feet tall and a chub. But the wii fit does acknowledge that young children tend to have higher BMIs. Thanks wii fit. I will not put my two year old on a diet. She does, however, suck at the balance tests. Wii will work on that.

Job update. I got the job I interviewed for on Friday. I had another interview today, to go to the Plaintiffs' side of the bar. It went well, the named partner found me to be a "very impressive young lady" his words, and I have to go back to meet a few more people. We will see what happens. I am very very stressed out about it all. I do not think I am on the chopping block if layoffs happen - actually I know it - but is it time to move on anyway? Maybe.

My parents are not thrilled with me being a Plaintiff's attorney. I think that they will be embarrassed by it. Even though I will be 32 in less than a month, I still care what they think. I don't want them to be embarrassed by me, lord knows I have put them through enough over the past few years.

Class of 2013

2009-02-24T17:52:00.000-08:00

Jillian got into pre-school! I didn't think that I would ever be so happy over something that seems so inherently obnoxious and yuppie - we had to apply, interview, and all that. Crazy. But it is a good school and a block from my house (remember I am lazy, so I will do one interview for years of convenience).

So J is a member of the class of 2013 (she has to go for 4 years because she got in as a not yet 3 year old). We got a letter in a big envelope just like colleges send out.

Now I just have to scrounge up the $9,000/year it costs to go there. Yeah that's right. 9 grand. A year.

So here is J displaying some of her intellectual fortitude. And for the record, she has been able to do this for many months - again I am lazy and haven't video taped it until now.

Oh and in other news, I was away at a week long training for work and she left me a message in which she informed me that (1) she does not have a princess dress and needs one, (2) she needs a crown, and (3) she needs glass slippers. And I have a job interview on Friday. Wish me luck.

Day of Ever Increasing Annoyance

2009-02-12T15:26:00.001-08:00

You know how sometimes you have one of those days that starts out fine, then seems to just go downhill. And you wind up annoyed, unsettled, and arggghhhyy for no real reason. That was my day today.

There isn't a specific reason for my bad mood. If I was to lay blame anywhere, I would lay it at the feet of our jacked up economy. The economic woes are far reaching and I know that people have it much worse than I do, but still it is stressing the eff out of me. Mostly because this is the scenario that I have in my head:

I have two major filings for the same client on March 2. Thus, I am very busy. However, I cannot continue to work for this client (which is how I spend 50% of my time) for two reasons (1) they are pushing back on bills and do not want senior associates on their cases and (2) the case team is a boys club, so I never get to do anything substantial, they don't bother to review me so I don't get credit for the work I do, and it has substantially stunted my career.

So after March 2, I am done with it. Yup, done with what fills up 50% of my time. Then what will happen is that I will be alot less busy (I am trying to drum up work already and have had some success but there is just less to go around). Also, as mentioned earlier in this blog, I am not the go getter that my colleagues are. Thus, after a month or two, I get laid off.*

I have no job and have no real prospects of getting one, so I have to move in with my parents. Except they live out of state, so I have to petition the court to let me take Jillian. X fights me on this because he gets free legal assistance at his firm (I don't plus in this scenario I don't have a job anyway), and I either have to leave J in PA or figure something else out, such as asking my parents to give up their NJ home and live with me.

Thus, it is a bad scene and stresses me out on a daily basis. Stupid economy.

I also realize that this catastrophic thinking is a sign of depression. Don't worry, I know that.

But is that it? Is that all that is contributing to the mood? No. Lately I have been feeling what I call "the nothing." "The nothing" is the term for the fact that I have not felt anything about anyone in "that" way for months on end. In away the nothing is good, because if you have no real outlet for something, the nothing makes that easier to deal with. But the nothing is really unsettling as you are lonely but have nothing really to give and nothing really to motivate you to get out there again.

Then over the weekend, I lost the nothing. Nothing happened, but I spoke to someone at a bar who made me laugh, was cute, and made the nothing go away. Then I went home. Alone. No exchange of information. Today I realized why I had defensively gone into nothing mode - it sucks when you are interested in someone and they don't like you back. Trust me, I have had enough experience to speak on that as an expert. It may suck more than the nothing. So I am formulating a plan to become dead inside again (at least in that arena).

I am a big fat whiner. I know. I am going to go to book club now and drink wine and be around people. Perhaps that will cheer me up.

* Please note that I am looking for a job, rather than waiting for the moment I no longer have one. I got an interview at a company which went well, then the next week they were bought by another company. Strike one. I have an interview to go to the plaintiff's side of the bar, but they want someone much more senior. I am going to do my best. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

It means no worries....

2009-02-09T17:04:00.000-08:00

Jillian loves "Hakunna Matata" from the Lion King. Here she is singing it. This is not her best performance, but it does involve a tutu, so it isn't half bad.

My House-mates

2009-01-31T18:38:00.000-08:00

Tonight Jillian is sleeping in her "big girl bed." My parents came over today and the first thing that J said was "GRANDPA! Can you build my big girl bed?" Then she saw that they had donuts (she can recognize a dunkin donuts box or bag from a mile away), picked out a pink frosted donut and forgot about it for a few hours. But since she never TOTALLY forgets anything, she remembered and big girl bed it is. Above is a picture of her sleeping in it.

To be honest, I don't know the logistics of the bed. She can get out of it, fall out of it (not that far down, so that really isn't a concern), but she can also open doors. Thus, she feasibly could have run of the house. We will see how this works.

My other house-mate is Buddy the cat. He is ridiculous. Overall, he is as good a cat as one can find, no real vices except a bizarre obsession with the sink when the dishwasher is running. He does, however, sleep with his tongue out. It is super weird.

I may be a weird sleeper as well, who knows?

Tonight I spent my evening scraping wallpaper. Only I did it for about an hour and half with the wrong side of the scraper blade facing out. As J tells me, "Mommy you are not Bob the Builder." Out of the mouths of babes.....

Outsmarted

2009-01-18T17:10:00.000-08:00

In some of my more "on" parenting moments, I have come up with solutions to problems (or borrowed them) that have worked for me and J. But I underestimated J and these "solutions" have come back to bite me in the ass.

For example, when J is having a crying fit, I tell her just to take a deep breath and calm down. She does - she takes an exaggerated breath and stops crying. This has worked AMAZINGLY, if I can toot my own horn for a moment, and has stopped full blown tantrums in their tracks.

Then this morning, I wanted to go down the street for breakfast and was trying to get J to go to the bathroom before we went. She was dancing around, singing "no, no, no" (one of her favorites) so I pretended to be really sad. I stuck out my lip, hunched my shoulders, etc. J looked at me and told me to "take a deep breath." I did, knowing I had backed myself into a corner here, and J said "see now you aren't sad" and continued to refuse to go to the bathroom. My own trick used against me by a 2 year old.

She does this with "kiss it and make it better" too. We were playing on the floor and she wanted me to sit in the middle of the room but I was tired and wanted to lean against something. I told her my back hurt so I couldn't sit where she wanted me to. She came over kissed me on the back and said "there all better" and pointed to the spot in the middle of the floor. Again, bested by a 2 year old.

Needless to say it has been a long weekend of The Jimmies (a kids rock band), trying to see Obama (waaaayyyyyy cold), trying to find The Lion King on dvd (damn you Best Buy of Cherry Hill!!!!), purchasing a fire extinguisher (trying to be safety town), and dinner with L, D, and Baby E (fun and a reminder that we are so not in college anymore).

Oh and the stupid kids CD J has insisted on listening two for the last, oh, 9 weeks or so, is stuck in the dvd player of my car. I didn't find this out until the stupid Best Buy did not have the Lion King dvd, so we compromised and got the soundtrack (because it really was about Hakunna Matta) which I said we could listen to in the car. J took the news of the broken CD player well, but it meant MORE OF THAT SAME DAMN CD until I figure out what is going on. ARGGGHHH!!

Namaste

2009-01-13T18:13:00.000-08:00

First, I fixed the links in my blog roll so that they all work. Previously, Above the Law, Go Fug Yourself, and Happy-Go-Lucky did not work. Feel free to send any rewards you feel I deserve for managing my own blog to me at my office. I am never home to get packages.

I have been meaning to post about yoga for a while. Not sure why I wanted to write about it, maybe because my life is SO FREAKIN' BORING that besides J it is one of the more interesting things I have to write about....so here we go.

I started doing yoga in SF and did it regularly from 17 weeks pregnant (at that time I finally stopped puking every five minutes) until 35 weeks pregnant (when I found out X was cheating on me and admittedly let some things slide). I enjoyed it. So when I moved to Philly, I started going to yoga with L.

But it is kinda different in Philly. The yoga studio owner is a bald, tatted up, muscle heavy, philly-accented dude. Not a woman who regularly tells a story about swimming with dolphins and swearing that they talked to her through their hearts. It is a bit more my style, less chanting, more working out.

Man, my life is boring....and so is this post. So I am switching gears. Here is a non-yoga, more interesting story - on Saturday night I was out with some friends and S decided to help me pick up a dude (given my super success in meeting people). We were a few drinks into the night, I agreed, so she picked out a tall, cute boy. After talking to the boy for a few minutes, S ran over to ask me if I knew Y partner at my firm, and I was like "yes, he is big time, the former managing partner of the office." Seriously, not awkward at all. He came over with some friends and we chatted. I learned he is young (26) and that he works in commercial real estate but is not worried about the economy at all (see successful partner as dad). Then I went home, alone, marveling at my luck that the cute, tall boy was the son of one of the most important partners at my firm, and thus off limits.

Overall though, it was a super fun night and involved drinking beers called "double bags" - no joke. I got a kick out of ordering them from the bartender "two double bags please."

I guess sometimes my life is not boring. Just today as I did boring work and stressed out about losing my job and wondering what I would do in that situation. Freak out obviously. But then what? I thought about maybe becoming a dental hygienist but I am not good with mirrors - like I can't back my car up well using them - so I doubt using a small mirror to poke around people's mouths with sharp instruments is for me. I also hate spit. So two strikes against being a dental hygienist. I applied to the FBI but was rejected immediately because of a single answer to a question. I hear the CIA is hiring. Develop a pyramid scheme? Predatory lending? I welcome any suggestions.

2 going on 16

2009-01-12T16:23:00.001-08:00

The other day J told me that she wants to grow up so that she can be the boss and "drive drive drive and listen to my music." When I asked her where she would drive, she said "to Florida."

She is only 2! Yet she wants autonomy in (1) being the boss of herself, (2) driving and (3) music selection. Bananas. I may be in for a rough go of parenting in about 14 years.

The Year of Quiet Resignation

2009-01-05T16:28:00.000-08:00

I have decided to dub 2009 the "Year of Quiet Resignation." This means that I will quietly resign myself to what my life is, rather than rage against the things I don't like about it or that I cannot change.

For example, no more crying when X treats me poorly. He and his girlfriend are in my life (unfortunately), unable to treat me like a human being (also unfortunate), and there is nothing I can do about it. So, while I previously tried and tried and tried to get him to be nice to me, even in a small way, I am giving that up. I will quietly resign myself to these facts and just keep on keepin' on.

Or my job. As previously mentioned, I am not winning any eager beaver awards there and as success is measured in billable hours, I am not going to be super successful in having a long term career at my firm. Rather than rage against this by freaking out, quitting in a fireball of bridge-burning fury, or other such totally sane reaction, I will quietly do my work, take my pay check, and see what happens.

Also, I will not get angry when I have a killer headache on a Sunday and no one to help me with J when all I want to do is shut the lights off and pretend the world doesn't exist. I won't be sad when day after day, no one is there to ask me how my day was, share the chores or financial obligations, give me some positive reinforcement that I am not a total screw up as a parent, give me a hug +, blah blah. I will instead turn on the Wii, play the piano, read a book, or watch bad tv (including but not limited to Rock of Love Three which is a total disaster that I cannot tear my eyes away from) and remember that even when I did have a husband, he did none of the things listed above (in fact he did the opposite of support me or share in obligations) so I am better off now.

I will not lament my single status, or lack of prospects. I will just resign myself to it for now, and again, see what happens. If I meet someone who won't like me because I have a kid, rather than get mad at that person, I will just quietly accept it and move on.

Thus, the "Year of Quiet Resignation." I am not sure if this will lead me to be happy with what I have in life, and accept what I cannot change, or whatever saying is appropriate (with the caveat that I am looking for a new job and would not turn down a date if asked out) or if it will cause me to try my hand at severe depression. I realize this post sounds like a bitter plea for pity, but it isn't really. It is a new outlook as I usually freak out and try desperately to change my life (some times admittedly these changes work out well). I promise that I am not trying to make "quiet resignation" into "complete loss of hope" even though that seems like a very fine line.

2009, It Has To Be Better Than 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005 . . .

2009-01-02T14:40:00.001-08:00

Right? That is what I have told myself each year for the past couple of years. And yet it never really comes true. 2008 sucked for reasons that were different than those that caused 2007 to suck, but it still was a tough year nonetheless. "Sucked" is a bit harsh, and yes I have J and all that, I am fully aware of what is good in my life.

That is why this year, I am going to try to focus on what is good and not what is "missing." That is, lose the grass is always greener attitude. I have a good life. And as Slim Charles says "that's the thing about the old days, they the OLD days...." so it is time to move on, leave the old days, the good and the bad behind me.

Apparently, I am also going to continue to be an effin' cliche.....I kind of hate myself for writing this hokey bs, but maybe it is part of trying to live it? Maybe I feel rushed to write this post because the picture is really cute and appropriate only now, not a week from now, and I don't feel like writing so this is what the result is? A crappy post overall?

It doesn't really matter - because I want to wish everyone a happy new year, from J and I - A toast to 2009!

Dorking out

2008-12-28T17:23:00.000-08:00

I realized that I have compiled an arsenal of things to keep me occupied when I am either stuck in the house because J is sleeping or stuck in the house because I have no plans, it is cold and I don't want to go outside. I now have (1) a piano (2) a treadmill (3) a Wii (4) paint, that I have been using to paint walls in my house to varying degrees of success (5) The Wire all seasons (6) dvr (7) laundry....

I got the Wii for Christmas and it is somewhat addicting. Then on Christmas Eve, I attended my cousins' annual party involving Jameson (not Protestant)* whiskey shots and Rock Band. After a few glasses of wine, and some other libations, I tried the it out and had a hilarious good time even though I totally sucked.

So I bought it, well I bought Guitar Hero World Tour because that is what Circuit City had for the Wii. Last night, my mom, dad and sister played too. For hours. J of course had to get involved. She may have the most natural rhythm of any of us.

Now I am a total dork, playing by myself...I have no bandmates. But it is still fun. And funny that I am not playing my nice piano but instead banging on fake drums.

I will say that both the piano and Guitar Hero have restored my faith in the merits of "practice." The law has slowly taken it away as I may be getting better at it, but there is no real gratification in that. With Guitar Hero, I practice until I can get through a song. Then when I get through the song it tells me I ROCK and gives me "cash." I find it very rewarding.

That all being said, if anyone wants to join my band, you know where to find me. I think I will call us "Wild Rumpus." **

*that is a Wire reference, absolutely nothing against Protestants.
**Points towards making the band if you know where I pulled that name from.

A piece of Barack

2008-12-23T15:47:00.000-08:00

Montel Williams in hocking Obama commemorative coins.

https://www.obamacoincollection.com/Default.aspx?mid=528810#order

If you don't like coins you can get a commemorative plate.

In these tough economic times, I don't think Obama wants us spending $19.95 on images of him on plates and/or coins. Keep your money, he will still be the man of hope and bring change and you will have $19.95 more dollars than if you bought the plate. And I am sure he will still appreciate your support without displaying him on a PLATE.

Extraordinary (minus the extra)

2008-12-22T16:53:00.001-08:00

I am not a super star at my law firm. I do my work, make people laugh by coming in to work wearing Phillies attire, and go home. And now, as I enter my 6th year as an associate at the same firm (which I thought I would NEVER do), I have to suck up my ordinariness and admit that, given that there are 7 people still here in my class year, I will not make partner.

I admit to not being the best little employee. Over the years, I have always gone to weddings, parties, gatherings, whatever, to see my friends. I have taken vacations so that I am the one to show J the beach for the first time. I go to every doctor's appointment. I come home by 5:30 so that I can see my kid for a few hours before she goes to sleep, rather than hiring additional help so I can work late. Same for weekends. I make sure to spend time with my family.

My firm was good to me throughout my separation and move. I am very grateful for that and always will be. It was a great relief to know I would have a job when I came out of all of it.

But the fairy tale only lasts so long. The dork in me wants an A, to make partner. However, the mom, daughter, friend, etc in me knows that I don't have the time, support, or desire to get that A. And that deep down I don't even want the prize that goes with the A. So I need to learn to be ok with a B. This will be hard. I hate to lose. Like really really hate it.

I will start looking for a new job in 2009. Keep your fingers crossed for me. It is time to move on personally, unfortunately the stellar economy disagrees as jobs are scarce.

In other news, J and I celebrated Christmas on Saturday. See pictures. Santa brought her some presents, and I got a Wii, which I am psyched about. The downside is that now she is gone to be with X for the week and his stupid girlfriend. So I am sad and on edge anyway, and the work realization is poorly timed.

Nightmares come true

2008-12-19T08:19:00.000-08:00

I just bought tickets for J and I to go to Disney on Ice, featuring the Little Mermaid and Tinkerbell (along with Cars and The Lion King, who are decidedly less important to J). She saw a commercial for it and was like "Ariel! Skating! I want to watch this show!" Sigh. So my kid is susceptible to advertising and I have to spend a day with Disney. DAMN YOU DISNEY PRINCESSES! It is like I look in the mirror and I don't even know myself anymore....

Progress...

2008-12-19T07:23:00.000-08:00

J gave Santa a high five. Still no sitting on his lap though, but progress nonetheless.

The high five has been incorporated into "Santa Brings Me Presents," as the final lyric. It goes "and then I give him a high five."

Olde Time Piano Party

2008-12-17T16:55:00.000-08:00

We got our piano on Monday and J appears to really enjoy it. Tonight she sat and played by herself for about 20 minutes. I would ask her what song she was playing and this was her set list:
- Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
- Old MacDonald
- London Bridge
- Ballerina Song
- Santa Brings Me Presents

None of the real songs involve the actual notes of the song, just her playing and singing along. The last two are original compositions. The Ballerina Song involves, yup a ballerina and she apparently can go on tippy toes. Santa Brings Me Presents is a moving piece about how J wants presents and Santa will put them under the tree but she only wants to see him through a telescope. It is well documented that J hates Santa in person. However, she does enjoy him in the abstract due to the presents he brings. I guess she was reading a book or something where Dora the Explorer or her cousin Diego uses a telescope to see Santa and the reindeer flying in the sky. In her mind, the telescope solved her problem of hating Santa in person, she could just keep up with him via telescope. She is a born problem solver.

So here are some pictures of her playing the piano, our tree, and our cat Buddy (J named him) lounging about. And yes she is wearing a tie-die t-shirt that was purchased in SF by....MY PARENTS. I know, you were going to guess X. But X is tragically HIP, not a tragic HIPPIE. Totally different.

Happy Holidays!

Holiday Overachievers

2008-12-08T10:16:00.001-08:00

Seems that Thanksgiving has brought everyone out of a blogging funk. Lots of new posts. Except for me. I just post to acknowledge that I suck at posting. Thus achieving the title of worst blogger ever.

So I am jumping on the holiday posting band wagon. We had a good Thanksgiving, which I am sure you are relieved to know about 2 weeks after the fact. J showed off her style in a legit Burberry skirt given to us by Aunt Bizarley, and shoes from the ever high class Tar-ghey.

Not even the chubby finger of bossiness took a break for the holidays.

Then she discovered the piano. She fell in love, whipping out the chubby finger of bossiness to anyone who would pay attention and saying "you play piano with me one minute?" Given this love, and the fact that everything is on sale in these trying economic times, we bought our very own, brand new piano. I am very excited. And fully intend to pressure her to become a great muscian. Just kidding of course. I am too lazy to pressure her to do anything.

J also fed some fish. But it was freakin' cold, so I basically threw the food in the pond and called it a day. Again, please feel free to nominate me for parenting awards. And a note on that coat. Her father purchased it (second hand of course) and I think it looks like a coat that a little African-American boy would wear to church on Sunday. And he would look very cute. J looks cute, because she is J, but I have already purchased a replacement coat.

Lastly, we did some yoga. Here is J doing the pose she made up - "baby dinosaur."

Worst Blogger Ever

2008-11-30T08:58:00.000-08:00

Sorry that I have been out of commission for a while. Just been lazy about uploading photos and basically everything else. We did get our Christmas tree up, which was mostly J's doing as she is very focused when she wants something done.

Oh and I have been watching the Wire, which truly is an awesome show. The first few episodes of each season make you wonder why everyone loves this show, but about 4 episodes in, you will be hooked. I just finished season two and I am bummed it is over.

And I have been reading the Twilight series books. Nothing like stories of teen vampire love to keep you occupied.

I guess I have also gone to work and been a mom. So there is that.

Anyway, more postings soon. I hope to have new pictures as soon as my sister can send them.

A sad goodbye....

2008-11-14T10:01:00.000-08:00

As some of you may know, when X and I started dating, I got a cat. I named him Guido and he kept me company as X ignored me and ran around cheating on me. He also stayed with me while I labored in my room by myself before having Jillian. He let me pet him and didn't freak out as the contractions came. He was a good friend.

Guido died yesterday in his sleep. No one knows what happened. I am saddened by this, obviously, but also because I lost Guido in the divorce so I haven't seen him much over the past two years. He lived with X and because I could not stand being near X, I never saw Guido. When I went to X's house to get J or drop her off, I never stayed long enough to spend some time with Guido because of the awfulness of being around X. So I didn't get to say goodbye to my buddy.

So tonight, raise your glasses to my good buddy Guido. Even if you are that person who hates cats.

Expensive-ass, Literally

2008-11-11T11:18:00.000-08:00

J has had a bit of diaper rash lately. It is seriously time to get out of diapers, which we are working on. Although according to the Montessori school we visited today, the "window" for potty training, or "tolieting" in proper Montessori terms, is 16-19 months. Well, we blew that deadline, so we are going with old fashion bribery (marshmellows for going on the potty), peer pressure ("See, Lexi pee-pees on the potty"), and discomfort ("Yeah, wet peed-in underwear sucks, huh?"). At a birthday party on Sunday she went to the bathroom, came out and announced to the whole party "I pee-peed on the potty!!!!" Everyone clapped and cheered. In that moment, I learned what pride truly feels like.

Anyway, back to the rash, because I know you are on pins and needles in excitment about where this story is going, J has a diaper rash. We have tried all kinds of drugstore creams and powders. The Aveeno actually seems to hurt it, the J&J doesn't do anything, Burt's Bees power is so-so and hella messy. So what to do? No, not seek advice from child rearing books or other parents, silly reader....that is never the answer in my house. Instead, this is what I did.....

Dig through your stuff and find the Kiehl's Diaper Cream that someone gave you as a gift. Try it. See that it works quickly and clears up the rash. Run out of cream, go to Kiehl's store to buy a new tube, find out that it is $18.00 for a few ounces. Sigh as you realize that your daughter's ass accepts only the most ridiculously expensive diaper rash cream money can buy.

Sigh, J has a high end booty.

Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer, I mean deadly gunshot wound...*

2008-11-10T09:46:00.000-08:00

Oh Alabama. Seriously. Football, even SEC football is just not worth killing other folks.

*For those of you who are not aware, The University of Alabama has a million cheers and nicknames that don't make sense (at least don't make sense to me). One of them is "rammer jammer yellow hammer," and I think it has something to do with a bird (even though the mascot is an elephant and the team is the Crimison Tide). I could google all of this to better explain, but I am lazy and no one reads this blog to learn things.

Overload

2008-11-05T15:05:00.001-08:00

I haven't posted in a while, sorry. The truth is that there just has been so much going on. First, Halloween prep (pumpkin picking, shopping, party at my parents country club), then a few days at work, then the Phillies win!!!, then VEGAS!!!!, then elections! and now finally a moment to breath. And break it all down via the blog....so here we go:

J has enjoyed all of these things. She picked a pumpkin that she couldn't carry, but got to eat a donut, so all was good. She accompanied me to the Garden State Plaza to go shoe shopping. We shopped for her first and she had her feet measured. Then when we shopped for me (you seriously didn't think I wouldn't look for myself did you?) she took a bracelet she had on and "measured" my foot. It was hilarious. She just kind of makes everyone happy and is a good little shopper. Not that surprising given that she is my kid.

We did go to a Halloween party. J got her face painted, which she normally loves. However, she hated this face painting lady (see picture) and I agreed with J's assessment. If you are mean and hate kids, why would you become a face painter? It is like me becoming a cabbie or something, given that I hate to drive and hate to chat with people randomly.

Later in the week, she insisted on watching the Phillies. She gets them confused with the Eagles, to whom she shouts "don't get hurt guys!" and "yay Phils!!," but she is a good little fan. She went to the victory parade and the cops pulled her up to the front so she could dance and shout yay Phils to the news cameras. I didn't see if she made the news because I was in VEGAS.

Yup, some fools, including Bizarley, T-Pain, justsomeguy, and Young D, traveled to Sin City to partake in some sinning, as you can see from the picture. It took me like twenty minutes and chugging two beers to have the nerve to do that. (he was a go-go dancer, not a stripper, and we were at a club, not the "gentleman's" kind). We ate, drank, played craps, didn't lose too much and had a great time. Miss everyone already.

Now, by using my advanced googling skillz, I discovered that the actor that plays Dan Scott on One Tree Hill was evil frat boy John Sears on 90210 (the original and best). He must be awesome to play a part in two fantastically crappy teen dramas!

Chubby Finger of Bossiness

2008-10-28T13:59:00.000-07:00

Jillian has developed this habit, which I believe is normal in 2 year olds, of bossing people around. And animals. And toys. But since she can speak very clearly, her directions can be quite elaborate. For example, "Mommy, you stand by the stove. Mommy, you stomp your feet. Don't talk to me. I want a round cheese. I don't want to pee-pee on the potty. I want to go to Grandma's house. You wait here one minute. I get the scissors*"

Yes, that is all one conversation. Well, not really conversation, as you can see I have no speaking role in it.

The funniest thing is that when bossing people/animals/things aroundshe always puts her chubby finger up to her cheek and points, as if to highlight the seriousness of what she is going to say. I have started calling this the chubby finger of bossiness. When it comes out, you better watch it. Here are some pictures to demonstrate. In these she was bossing around me and a goat.

*yes, J gets the concept of scissors and that sometimes I need them to open toys, cut tags off, etc. They were in a drawer that she can definitely not see into, but that smart little chub saw me put the scissors in there enough to know exactly where they were. One day when I refused to open something she whipped out the chubby finger of bossiness told me to wait one minute and that I needed the scissors, and proceeded to get them from the drawer. Don't worry, about 5 minutes later, her Grandpa broke them, cut himself, and may have introduced a few swear words into her vocabulary, but no more scissor incidents.

Update

2008-10-20T07:36:00.000-07:00

So last year when the Phillies made the playoffs, this is what I did.

This year, the email read like this:

"As most of you know, our Phillies will play a pivotal game against the LA Dodgers tomorrow night. If the Phils win, they will advance to the World Series for the first time in 15 years.

To show our support, you are invited to wear Phillies attire tomorrow. Please keep in mind that you must remain tasteful about your appearance. Certain clothing, such as jeans and sweat pants, are not appropriate.

Go Phillies."

(emphasis added). Jeans specifically prohibited unlike last year where jeans were not specifically prohibited and was the one dumb ass who wore them. This year, I didn't wear Phillies gear at all, wasn't even going to risk it.

In other news, J came to my house from her dad's with an Obama action figure. She was shouting "my Obama!" When I asked her who Obama was she said "the president."

Also, she informed me that she was "Super Jilly." I hope to take a picture of Super Jilly and will post it, but as with all super heros, Super Jilly tries to keep a low profile.

City Garbage and Random Funny Picture

2008-10-13T16:47:00.000-07:00

I have lived in a number of major cities over the past few years, Philly, San Francisco, NYC, Baltimore, Lexington VA, Montgomery AL (ok some not so major cities too). Each has their own character, charm, issues, etc. And another distiguishing characteristic is the stuff you find on the sidewalk.

In Baltimore, it was chicken wings. Everywhere I walked there were chicken wing bones. Sometimes crab legs, which made sense, given Charm City's relationship with all things crab, but the chicken wing bones never did.

In Philly, it is grosser. It is dead birds. I don't go a week without seeing a dead bird on the sidewalk. Yes, this is a downer. I don't like it and have to explain it to J, which causes me to use Bizarley's dad's lie - that the birds are just sleeping. This is harder to pull of when there is some squishing involved.

In SF, it was causes. Stickers telling me that I should be vegan, that I needed to save the environment, that Arnold sucks, etc. Sometimes it was just a slogan written in chalk. But they were everywhere. On my walk to BART everyday, I passed one that said "Better Dead Than Red." And I always thought that my X would totally agree because (1) he is judgy-liberal and (2) I have red hair and he hated me. Honest, that is what I thought every time I walked over that slogan on the sidewalk of 24th Street between Guerrero and Mission. Great way to start the day. Man that relationship was bad, things like this pop up every now and then to remind me how unhappy I was and how bad he made me feel.

Anyway, I just remembered that as I am writing this. Luckily Gossip Girl starts in three minutes, so I am three minutes away from being in a good mood.

The Big 0-2!

2008-10-09T08:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Jillian's birthday and she celebrated with pizza, mommy juice (beer), and her grown-up friends. It was a great time, J had fun and got some awesome presents, and she wore a tiara. All in all a pretty good day.