31

On Friday I turned 31. As with turning 30, which was not that different from 29, 31 is not that different from 30. Except I kinda wish it was. I guess in some ways it is. I recently bought a house, J is awesome, I feel settled in at work, I have actually made some friends in Philly blah blah blah. So in those ways my life is different. However, I have not been on a date since oh...maybe October. And every time someone at work sends around pictures of his or her new kid, with pithy captions about how dad isn't good at feeding him or her, how mom rocks, how dad tries but doesn't get the diaper on the way mom does, it does make me wonder if this is more fun if you are doing it with the person you planned to do it with.

Then I remember life with MSTBX and I don't regret leaving him. Even with the impending arrival of the boohoo and the knowledge that this was going to be how I would experience being a mom for the first time. Without the captions, without the support of a partner, without someone who remembers my birthday. (MSTBX didn't bother to say happy birthday. Not surprising as even when we were married and I was pregnant, he forgot my birthday - that was 29). Not sure why this is bothering me today. Maybe because I am still not divorced, MSTBX's girlfriend is moving here (her presence in my kids life irks me beyond belief), maybe because I am tired of all the options in the work cafeteria. Who knows? All in all, everything considered, I still have it pretty good. Happy posts soon - promise.

Anyway, let's pretend that these are pictures of J shopping for my birthday present. Of course she did not get me anything, as she has no money and is only two feet tall. Those are both big challenges when shopping.

Oh and an update to last year's birthday post - I still have not run a marathon. So that goal is accomplished for another year.

I just like this picture....

Reminds me of good times, bizarley and I having fun during a break from pole dancing....and yes, there is booze in our cups and that is a dollar on the floor. Thanks to justsomeguy for the photo.

She Shoots....She Scores!!! And other items...

Jillian has a toddler basketball net, that unsurprisingly came with a toddler basketball. The ball, however, is not nearly as interesting to put through the hoop as Curious George. My father thought it would be HILARIOUS to encourage monkey abuse by showing J that George can be thrown into the basket. Since she is a quick learner, here she is showing off the fact that she has game. Watch out Carmello Anthony, et al. I am going to send her to the courts in West Philly to cut her street ball skillz. Though she may get beat up when she tries to convince everyone to use a stuffed monkey instead of an actual basketball....hmmmm parenting - so full of tough decisions.

Also in J news, the other morning I was getting ready for work and she was downstairs with the nanny of the century (her nanny). She was repeatedly yelling up the stairs (where I was) "MOMMY!!! DOLLAR!!" I can only assume she wanted a dollar? Not sure what for. She has been hanging out at the dollar store lately and got a rubber chicken there. Maybe she wants another one? Or maybe someone told her about mommy's pole dancing and she wanted to fold the dollar lengthwise?

Then this morning, J was putting on gloves (a pair she keeps in her pocketbook) and could not get one glove on her right chubby hand. So she took the glove, threw it, and shouted "BROKEN!" Hilarious.

Kids Are Weird.

See above. Not sure what she was trying to accomplish, except making me wrangle a naked child before bath time. Or perhaps she was trying to get to Elmo. Either way, nekkid pack and play scaling is weird.

Kickin' it Old School

This weekend, because I had so much work to do, I had to go home to NJ so that my parents could watch J while I worked. Apparently, for the past 30 years, they have saved a collection of toys that I used to play with. They brought these out for J to try out. Here she is shoving a fence into an old school barn.

You will also note in the background a cash register circa 1979, and a "happy apple" that has long since been taken from the market due to ridiculously pointy leaves. Despite the dangers of the happy apple, I had two because I loved it so much. Oh how I long for the days when a smiling, fat, round apple that made noise when you shook it was enough to make me happy.

Missing from the picture is the chomping Mickey of death - a Mickey mouse that has a string one can pull to make Mickey's mouth chomp up and down while saything pithy things. Man we had it good when we were kids!

Oh and an update on Noah of a few posts ago (who has a plastic white beard). Jillian handed him to me the other day and said "Santa." So any attempted secret religious education by my parents is clearly not taking.

Elmo is Naughty!

Jillian has fallen for Elmo. It started with a book in which Elmo is only tangentially involved. Why of all the characters she focused on him, I have no idea, but apparently kids gravitate to that red fuzz ball who only speaks in the third person. So we got her an Elmo doll. Today when I got home from work, she insisted on putting a bib on him and giving him a bottle. Then she fed him pretzels. Then she threw him around for awhile shouting "fall down!" (she learned ring around the rosey, and that is her favorite part.)

My mom also got her an Elmo video - parents you may be familiar with the refrain "la la la la, la la la la, it Elmo's World." She loves the video. She takes the tv remote out of its hiding place (a drawer) points it at the tv and shouts ELMO! To be fair, she also knows that Barney is on the tv and sometimes demands him (who oddly I prefer). Anyway, in one part of the Elmo video he asks two of the most annoying characters ever created, Mr. Noodle and his sister Ms. Noodle (played by Tony award winner, Kristen Chenoweth for reasons unknown, I would think she be getting better roles), to teach him about taking turns. So they do; they take turns on a swing. After they are done Elmo looks to the camera and says "those Noodles are a bunch of swingers!!"

Honestly, I cracked up when I heard that. Jillian has developed a "cocktail laugh" where she laughs whenever an adult does, I think just to be part of the crowd. So she started laughing. There we were, me and my daughter, just a couple of girls laughing about Elmo being naughty.

I hope there will be more laughter in the future, and perhaps less freakin' Elmo.

I hate the Oscars

So tonight I settled in to watch the Oscars, alone, unless m&m's count as company, and realized that each year I have a terrible day the day of the Academy Awards.

Two years ago, they fell on MSTBX's birthday. He wanted to go to a specific restaurant and the only time I could get reservations was 5pm. So I made them, invited him and both of our sisters, and puked. I was a few weeks pregnant, so I could not drink and was still feeling really crappy and puked all the time. Then he found out that the dinner conflicted with the Oscars, which apparently he really wanted to watch (they start early on the West Coast). He repeatedly called the reservation stupid, yelled at me, and made the night miserable in general. So I just continued to try and make it a nice night, while running off to puke while everyone else enjoyed their gin and tonics. Oh and then I picked up the pricey tab. Then I sat alone in my bedroom for the rest of the night, with him refusing to speak to me.

The person who had recommended the restaurant was the woman he was sleeping with.

Last year, if you refer to my old blog, you will see that I was studying for the PA bar. Just before the Oscars, I found out that MSTBX was going to NYC that weekend to visit his new girlfriend, who I did not know about, despite the fact that he and I lived in the same house and he was still making me miserable. So while I tried to study, took care of J, and all that jazz, I tried to take my mind off things by watching the Oscars. Take my mind off things like the fact that he was probably having sex with her and/or cuddling with her at that very moment. I hope that none of my readers ever have to learn what it feels like to find out your husband is cheating on you after the fact, and then realize it hurts more to know that it is going on in real time. So for the 4 hour show I sat there, nursed J, and cried. With my bar bri materials open next to me. Well that sums up that whole awful weekend, not just my Academy Award experience.

That was the worst weekend. It was when I realized just how little I meant to MSTBX, just how little respect he had for me as his wife, soon to be ex-spouse, and J's mom. Note, he knew how hurt I was by this, as he watched me bawl for a day before getting in a cab with my kid, study materials, and fly to my parents' house. Then he got on his plane to NYC.

Alright, sorry to be a Debbie Downer, it is just that today has not been the best day. And now it all makes sense. The writers couldn't hold out alittle longer.....just kidding.

Someday, these memories will fade. Hopefully even will be replaced by new ones.