Princess for a Day

This is what my parents do with J when they babysit. They give her junk food and let her wear a crown. Sometimes I think that they like it when I am not around so that they can spoil her. I am not a crazytown about food or anything, but I generally avoid Burger King. For my own sake more than anything. And I admittedly avoid all things princesses. I am not sure what I will do if J demands a tiara and disney princess movies.

J is now doing yoga. She told me that today as she did a wicked down dog. Then she apparently invented a new pose which she calls "baby dinasour." It involves scrunching up, making a "mad face" (which I totally copied from Emily V. and taught J), and growling. We do not do this pose in my weekly class, but maybe we should. It seems to get out the stress.

Then she ate jelly beans - see I am not the food police.

Dirty Little Secrets, Part II

First, congratulations to Michael Phelps.

Second, another dirty little secret - sometimes when I am sad I try to drink a whole bottle of wine by myself. Like alone on my couch. Because that is what people do when they are bummed out or something. Don't worry, no need for an intervention. I never get past one glass, and sometimes that gets dumped out. I have multiple open bottles of wine in my house, some may actually be vinegar at this point. I guess I only like to drink when I have an audience to make a fool of myself in front of. Like on Thursday, I wiped out in a dress and heels in the middle of the street. Nice.

Third, all boozing jokes aside, my real dirty little secret is that I would like to have another kid someday. I hope that I get to and I find myself envious of the couples having their second. But it is not in the cards for me right now, so we will see what happens. I am probably as envious of the coupledom as the second kid, but seeing those chubby lumps of baby makes me jealous.

Fourth, I still think my kid is awesome. But I suppose that is no secret. Here she is singing.

My Dirty Little Secret

To be fair, this is one of what is actually many dirty little secrets, one that has crept up on me and I have been afraid to share. But here it goes....I am totally sick of Michael Phelps. For serious.

I know, I know that is downright Un-American to say. And disrespectful to athletic accomplishments, the institution that is the Olympics, etc. I realize all of this, but I can't help it. I am over it. If I wake up, turn on the news, and see one more interview with his mother or sisters, I may boycott the Olympics until it is time for Track and Field. If I see one more article about how he eats 12,000 calories a day, or how he is the greatest athlete of all time, I don't know what I will do. I apologize, but I am done with it. Godspeed Phelps, win all the golds, and then we will talk about it some more, breath a collective sigh of relief, and move on with our lives.

M.I.A.

I know I have been missing for awhile. Just dealing with work, which has been busy, and life, which has been not busy but the same old same old. And that seems to be the problem.

I did look at my camera the other day and discovered some forgotten pictures of J. That was a nice surprise, so I figured I would share one. The picture of her in her rain coat is the older picture, and the one of her in her Elmo gear is recent. So you can see how much she has grown.

The other day I gave her a cheese stick, she wrapped it up in a napkin, told me she was going to work, and headed for the door. I wasn't sure if I should laugh or cry. Then she informed me that she needed $40 to go to the store and get milk first. She also constantly is hailing cabs. It is a hilarious habit.

J has a dream.....

This morning I was chatting with J and this is the conversation we had:

Me: Did you sleep well last night?

J: Yes.

Me: Did you have any dreams?

J: Yes.

Me: Oh really, do you know what a dream is?

J: Obama.

So apparently J thinks Obama is a dream. She actually can identify him in pictures and on the news. Also, when we were waiting in the airport a few weeks ago for hours on end, a woman had an Obama t-shirt on - it just said "Obama '08," no graphics or picture. J walks up to her puts her hands in the air and shouts "OBAMA!" The woman invited her to join the campaign. I was just amazed that J apparently can recognize the word/name Obama. Beyond once asking her if she would vote for Clinton or Obama, J and I do not discuss politics. Hilarious.

Mission Impossible: Dating

Ok, I know that I complain alot on this blog. The thing is that when I first moved to Philly, I was super bummed but somewhat optimistic about my personal future. Now here I am, a year and a few months later, and I find myself becoming bitter. These are the things I learned as I have tried to "date" as an "adult."

1. For me, online dating sucks. I tried it again for about a week and a half and did get alot of emails (I am not proactive in that I don't email people, too shy). I went out on two dates. On the first, the guy talked about himself non-stop, didn't listen to anything I said, and then tried to eat my face at the end of the date. On the second, the guy said the restaurant I picked was too loud, informed me that his last online date ended in sex, and then took me up on my polite offer to pay - the entire bill. All of this on top of the 52 year old vegan who said that he thought I was "cute" but didn't agree with my "love of dead cow" (I said I like hamburgers on my profile) and that I should "hit him up if I want to chat." Ummmm...you are 52, bald with a grey beard, and openly think you are better than me because you are vegan while I hunt defenseless cows and eat them raw. I canceled my account immediately after getting this email.

----> as a side note, online dating invites the possibility of meeting people who just want to "chat" like online. I do not have time for this and I do not need some kind of cyberbuddy. I found this frustrating, I would rather just meet not email for weeks on end.

2. People cheat on me. My boyfriend in law school cheated on me, only to marry his paralegal. X cheated on me. The person I did actually date for a few months pressured me to date "exclusively" not cluing me in that I would be the one staying exclusive while he would date around. I am not sure what it is about me, but people cheat on me. And I seem to catch them. They aren't even good at it. Leading me to point three...

3. When I think of a relationship, I think it means someone who you have to try to please but never can, someone who insults you and makes you feel bad about yourself, someone who thinks that they are better than you, someone who will cheat on you to find someone better, someone who you don't trust and someone who will in the end take your money, your pride, and leave you knocked up. This view is totally f'ed up and I need to change it. As weird as it seems, I am kind of just realizing this as I debate whether I really want to date again.

4. REDACTED

So all of this to say, chin up self. I am going to lay low on the forced dating (while at the same time staying open minded) and try to enjoy my single life. Of course this is easier said than done as I look around and see people (well specifically women) who definitely suck married to good guys. And X who spent a total of two months single, I mean come on! Alright, breaking my own rule already. I will always have J as my date - I mean she is a pretty cute oatmeal eater (see above) and has very good manners.

Shock and Awe

Is it ok to be amazed by your own kid? I admit to being completely uneducated about what "developmental stages" kids should hit when, but lately I have been thinking J is pretty awesome. To that end, I present the reasons why I am in awe of my child:

- she told me the other day that she "hadn't seen butterflies in over a week." And she was right! No one had taken to her to the butterfly garden at the museum of natural sciences (where we are members, so she is there alot) in over a week. But, um, how does she know what a week is?

- she likes Blue's Clues and requests it. She also likes to go to Claire's Boutique and pick out cheap jewlery. We were there one day and she saw a small spiral notebook, similar to the one the host of blue's clues uses to write down clues. She pointed to it saying "notebook," took it down, called it a "handy dandy notebook" (which the host calls his) and instructed me to "pay for it." Once I had, she requested a pen which she stuck through the spirals exactly like the blues clues guy.

- she picks out her own shoes everyday and most times puts them on herself.

- she saw that I hung up two similar pictures in my room and informed me that there were two that were "kinda the same."

- she can ride her tricycle about two feet.

- she has a plastic cow that has a blue spot on him, ink or something. She told me that this was a "dirty cow." Then told me she would "wipe him off." When that didn't work I suggested that we might have to wash him with soap, causing her to run into her bathroom and soap up that cow. We never got the spot off, and now he will forever be the "dirty cow." This morning he was in her tea pot which she found hilarious.

- speaking of tea - she sets up her favorite guys, usually a lamb, a baby, and barney to have tea parties. She serves "dirty cow tea" and "coffee."

- if you ask her why she may get a treat she says "if I pee pee on the pottty."

- if you ask her who is on the one dollar bill she say "Washington."

- she knows her ABCs and can count to eleven.

So, if you couldn't tell, I haven't spoken to my mother all week because she is busy entertaining friends, so I have not had a chance to share any funny, listen to what J did stories. I am sorry if I am boring you all, but the lack of husband contributes to my need to share and have someone else go - you are right she is amazing (hint hint).

Oh and the picture above is what she does when you ask her to smile. I think Tyra Banks got a hold of her, so now she only does "fierce." Props to Aunt Bizarley for the dress at this photo shoot. Just ignore her hair, she doesn't like to sit for hair and make-up.