Judgy Mc Judgerson

I generally try not to judge other parents in the hopes that they will not judge me. Plus, what the hell do I know? Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't. (See e.g. rittenhouse square mom who judged me for putting my kid in shoes before she was one, but she was WALKING and robez were not going to cut it on the streets of philly; lady who thought it was her busy-ness to point out that J had a fork in a restaurant even though I knew that and J USES FORKS TO EAT;* the woman walking down the hall to the airplane that had only 14 passengers and was annoyed that I was letting J walk to the plane herself while I struggled with a stroller and a suitcase whose handle had broken off AFTER I got through security).

Anyway, J is having a birthday party in a few weeks and one mom RSVP'ed that she and her 14 month old could not come because the party directly coincides with his daily 2 hour nap. Listen, I get nap time. Really I do. Admittedly, I don't follow any regemented nap schedule with J, in part because the nanny has to deal with her during the day, not me, and J is not the world's best napper (I use the phrase "deal with her" with complete love and adoration, of course). She sleeps overnight like a champ, but during the day it is about 45 minutes to 2 hours at any given point in the day.

So I do not get this response. Seriously, you aren't going to come to a birthday party 5 blocks from your house because of everyday naptime? What else has your kid missed out on because of this stringent rule? What have you missed out on? Do you have to leave family events at particular times? What if you have to drive somewhere at like 1:38pm? Then what are you going to do?

I know that I may be a bad parent because I don't let nap time get in the way of things. If there is something fun for us to do, or just me, or just her, we go ahead and do it. There is time for sleep later. And I think J has become a pretty flexible kid, so I don't regret those decisions.

So there, I am judging another parent. And I apologize to those readers who also adhere to a strict nap schedule....I don't mean to, I really only judge this woman, who my nanny says is really hard on her nanny. I don't like that either.

In retrospect, perhaps it is better that they don't come. I just feel bad for the kid, I made some wicked fun goody bags.

*please note that I forgave this lady fairly quickly. She was an older lady out to eat dinner by herself at 5pm (which was also when J and I were out to eat). After my initial mind your own business lady reaction, I realized that she may just be lonely and wanted to engage with us in someway. Unfortunately she picked a divisive way. I also realized that I may be her someday and should not be mean to future me.

A Few Things I Don't Understand.....

(1) Why kids like to go to the office. J enjoys it and I did when I was little. I guess it is fun to see where your parents spend their day, or to play with new office supplies. My office even has snacks, which J loves. She also loves to go into people's offices and annouce to them that they are working - "hi, you working." It is a statement, not a question. She is a two foot tall boss.

(2) John Mayer, the singer/songwriter. He is all tatted up, seems to break the hearts of pretty successful women left and right, and yet sings that song about fathers being good to their daughters and "Your body is a wonderland."

(3) Men who think they could do better than the woman they are in a relationship with and why they think I would be sympathetic. I am not.

(4) Why I sincerely want to go on "The Biggest Loser." I think I want to spend a few weeks concentrating on nothing other than trying to get into the best shape I could be in.

(5) Why my X's girlfriend would even want to come to a birthday party I am throwing for J when (a) X is throwing a separate one and (b) everyone there hates her. I don't even care because there is no way she has the guts to show up.

(6) How I somehow broke my Outlook email within one day of switching from Lotus Notes so that now I cannot attach documents from my firm's document repository.

Farewell to Summer

So summer 2008 has bit the dust. To be honest, no real loss. I am tired of the heat and carting around a sweaty kid. And huge electric bills from constantly running the air conditioner.

I am ready for jeans and boots. Coats, tights, etc. I am sure I will be sick of them all by January.

In other news, J has been replaced by a demon child. My sweet, smart, adorable kid has been secretly switched with a cranky, demanding, bossy two foot tall nightmare. I suppose the terrible twos have to have some basis in fact.....and I am being dramatic. But seriously, when your kids is bawling because her "pony is shady" (don't ask) and there is literally nothing you can do about it, it is easy to miss the chubby cute child she once was. As an aside, if anyone knows how to make a my little pony not shady, let me know.

If anyone needs to get me a present....

I would like Blair Waldorf's necklace from last night's Gossip Girl. Would also accept the following (1) a Wii, (2) a new bike, (3) shore house or (3) cash money. The holidays are coming up people!

J rocks her necklaces, shouldn't her mom?

Princess for a Day

This is what my parents do with J when they babysit. They give her junk food and let her wear a crown. Sometimes I think that they like it when I am not around so that they can spoil her. I am not a crazytown about food or anything, but I generally avoid Burger King. For my own sake more than anything. And I admittedly avoid all things princesses. I am not sure what I will do if J demands a tiara and disney princess movies.

J is now doing yoga. She told me that today as she did a wicked down dog. Then she apparently invented a new pose which she calls "baby dinasour." It involves scrunching up, making a "mad face" (which I totally copied from Emily V. and taught J), and growling. We do not do this pose in my weekly class, but maybe we should. It seems to get out the stress.

Then she ate jelly beans - see I am not the food police.

Dirty Little Secrets, Part II

First, congratulations to Michael Phelps.

Second, another dirty little secret - sometimes when I am sad I try to drink a whole bottle of wine by myself. Like alone on my couch. Because that is what people do when they are bummed out or something. Don't worry, no need for an intervention. I never get past one glass, and sometimes that gets dumped out. I have multiple open bottles of wine in my house, some may actually be vinegar at this point. I guess I only like to drink when I have an audience to make a fool of myself in front of. Like on Thursday, I wiped out in a dress and heels in the middle of the street. Nice.

Third, all boozing jokes aside, my real dirty little secret is that I would like to have another kid someday. I hope that I get to and I find myself envious of the couples having their second. But it is not in the cards for me right now, so we will see what happens. I am probably as envious of the coupledom as the second kid, but seeing those chubby lumps of baby makes me jealous.

Fourth, I still think my kid is awesome. But I suppose that is no secret. Here she is singing.

My Dirty Little Secret

To be fair, this is one of what is actually many dirty little secrets, one that has crept up on me and I have been afraid to share. But here it goes....I am totally sick of Michael Phelps. For serious.

I know, I know that is downright Un-American to say. And disrespectful to athletic accomplishments, the institution that is the Olympics, etc. I realize all of this, but I can't help it. I am over it. If I wake up, turn on the news, and see one more interview with his mother or sisters, I may boycott the Olympics until it is time for Track and Field. If I see one more article about how he eats 12,000 calories a day, or how he is the greatest athlete of all time, I don't know what I will do. I apologize, but I am done with it. Godspeed Phelps, win all the golds, and then we will talk about it some more, breath a collective sigh of relief, and move on with our lives.