Fun at the Zoo and with Tools

I feel tired. It has been a good weekend, my firm had its annual "zoo night" where they rent out the entire Philadelphia Zoo - aka "America's First Zoo." It is actually a great event because everything is free - admission, parking, food, and PONY RIDES. The last is the most important. J would ride the pony, get off, and run to the end of the line for the ride shouting "I RIDE A PONY!!!" The lady running it knew her name by the time we left. Just like the bartenders did with my name at the end of fraternity cocktail parties in college.

So zoo night rocked.

Oh and I have to watch what I say around J, because she repeats everything. I said "Daddy lives in the ghetto" and now "ghetto" is her favorite word. He does, and his house is dirty, and his girlfriend still is a bad influence. And now I really have to keep that all to myself.

Nothing really to say. Just wanted to blog because I have been caught up with my new facebook account. It has distracted me. So here is a picture of J playing with her tools. That is a tool belt she is wearing and she is "screwing" something into the wall. My dad took the picture with his new blackberry so I apologize for the quality.

Happy summer all.

Discovery Health - Baby Week

This week is "Baby Week" on Discovery Health, one of my favorite networks. I am addicted to shows about morbidly obese people such as "Inside Brookhaven Medical Clinic" or "Big Medicine." "Mystery Diagnosis" was interesting for a while, but the end diagnoses are never all that interesting, at least not interesting enough to invest the hour watching the show.

So today I learned some doctors, if a baby looks like it is going to be too big, will induce labor. More importantly, most doctors estimate the size of the baby towards the end of the pregnancy. My doctor did not do this. And the bohemouth that was infant J nearly killed me. All is well that ends well, but it would have been nice to not deliver a ginormous baby without an epidural in about 20 minutes and then bleed out. I mean I got to have a kid that rocks a mean "sprout" ponytail and that is worth it in and of itself. Oh and now she can identify who is on a dollar bill. This is our favorite party trick. She says "George Washington" in her cute voice. See picture above for ponytail.

Also, glad I didn't higher a doula. I thought about it being that I couldn't depend on X and I was scared shitless. I don't know if they hang out with you during labor at home, I guess that would have been nice, as I did that part by myself - alone in my room watching Law & Order rerun after rerun and trying to remember the stupid things I could do to make myself more comfortable. But if they don't, she would have had a very short work day. The people on these shows like doulas so they are on the mind.

I think I may hate baby week because it makes me think of having J. I wish that the end of my pregnancy, having the baby, and being a brand new mom conjured good memories. But to be honest, it really doesn't. (Don't tell J). I guess that is why I am not on a Discovery Health show. That and I cannot imagine why these people let video cameras around them when they know the end result will require their junk being blurred out when aired on TV.

Tomorrow is "World's Smallest Mom," which could be interesting. Tag line: "She's only three feet tall, but she found the world's greatest joy."

And an addendum to my post re: gum. It is Orbit sweet mint gum and it is only really good for about 7 minutes. So I am sticking to my light blue extra or dark blue trident.

Hot Time Summer in the City

Dude, it was HOT in Philly this weekend. But I am glad it is summer and hope it will be a fun one. Although, I did just calculate the number of hours I need to hit my billable goal before the end of the year and it ain't pretty.

Anyway, J and I were on vacation last week, visiting my parents in Kiawah. It was a good time in general but not a wild time by any means. One night I got ice cream and marble slab creamery, subbing peanut butter and chocolate ice cream for the plain chocolate, and that was about as crazy as I got. Oh, I did get pink eye and/or some viral eye infection and had to wear my c\glasses the whole time. This resulted in the infamous "double glasses" where I wear sunglasses over my regular glasses (I don't have prescription sun glasses). I know this is a favorite of justsomeguy, so I am sorry he missed it. After a day of this, and feeling inadequate next to the Lily Pulitzer clad moms with huge wedding rings, kids named Trey (as in "the Third") and a husband on the golf course, I got those Dwayne Wayne clip on shades. Yes, I still looked like an idiot.

Some things that have crossed my mind lately -

- If a man has a puggle he is probably in a relationship

- Philly hipsters will not wear flip flops. It is retro vans, ballet slippers, jellies, or converse. Also, as I shared with justsomeguy, hipsters will wait forever to eat brunch at a "hip" place. It must be hard being so tragically hip.

- J's diapers have Winnie the Poo and Tiger on them. So when she gets her diaper changed she shouts "tigger and poo!!!" only it sounds like "take a poo!!!" In the airport, the mom waiting to use the changing table said, "you better get that diaper on quick!" I had to explain it to her.

- Other airport shennigains included a woman telling me, unsolicited, that J had too much food in her mouth. This is a daily battle between J and I (and J and her nanny) and J usually wins. Absent an incident involving watermelon when she was about 10 months old, there have been no choking incidents. I explained that to the lady, while waiting for my Christian chicken at Chick-fil-A, but she was still all judge-y mc judgerton. So when she said, "what great eyelashes she has," I told her I put mascara on my kid.

- A shout out to my homies new and old from bizarley's wedding. I have to dedicate an entire post to that event. Thanks to my roommate K for reading and sharing a room with me!

- To everyone I forced to buy Stride Sweet Mint gum, insisting it was the best gum ever, I apologize. It actually is Orbitz Sweet Mint gum that is the best gum ever. The Stride gum has a very artificial sweetner taste. I know that justsomeguy and M fell victim to this.

- I apologize that all the pictures have been from one event. I should have some from my trip soon and J rocks a bathing suit like Giselle.

Welcome to what it is like in my head.