Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Chubby Finger of Bossiness

Jillian has developed this habit, which I believe is normal in 2 year olds, of bossing people around. And animals. And toys. But since she can speak very clearly, her directions can be quite elaborate. For example, "Mommy, you stand by the stove. Mommy, you stomp your feet. Don't talk to me. I want a round cheese. I don't want to pee-pee on the potty. I want to go to Grandma's house. You wait here one minute. I get the scissors*"
Yes, that is all one conversation. Well, not really conversation, as you can see I have no speaking role in it.

The funniest thing is that when bossing people/animals/things aroundshe always puts her chubby finger up to her cheek and points, as if to highlight the seriousness of what she is going to say. I have started calling this the chubby finger of bossiness. When it comes out, you better watch it. Here are some pictures to demonstrate. In these she was bossing around me and a goat.

*yes, J gets the concept of scissors and that sometimes I need them to open toys, cut tags off, etc. They were in a drawer that she can definitely not see into, but that smart little chub saw me put the scissors in there enough to know exactly where they were. One day when I refused to open something she whipped out the chubby finger of bossiness told me to wait one minute and that I needed the scissors, and proceeded to get them from the drawer. Don't worry, about 5 minutes later, her Grandpa broke them, cut himself, and may have introduced a few swear words into her vocabulary, but no more scissor incidents.

Monday, October 20, 2008


So last year when the Phillies made the playoffs, this is what I did.

This year, the email read like this:

"As most of you know, our Phillies will play a pivotal game against the LA Dodgers tomorrow night. If the Phils win, they will advance to the World Series for the first time in 15 years.

To show our support, you are invited to wear Phillies attire tomorrow. Please keep in mind that you must remain tasteful about your appearance. Certain clothing, such as jeans and sweat pants, are not appropriate.

Go Phillies."

(emphasis added). Jeans specifically prohibited unlike last year where jeans were not specifically prohibited and was the one dumb ass who wore them. This year, I didn't wear Phillies gear at all, wasn't even going to risk it.

In other news, J came to my house from her dad's with an Obama action figure. She was shouting "my Obama!" When I asked her who Obama was she said "the president."

Also, she informed me that she was "Super Jilly." I hope to take a picture of Super Jilly and will post it, but as with all super heros, Super Jilly tries to keep a low profile.

Monday, October 13, 2008

City Garbage and Random Funny Picture

I have lived in a number of major cities over the past few years, Philly, San Francisco, NYC, Baltimore, Lexington VA, Montgomery AL (ok some not so major cities too). Each has their own character, charm, issues, etc. And another distiguishing characteristic is the stuff you find on the sidewalk.

In Baltimore, it was chicken wings. Everywhere I walked there were chicken wing bones. Sometimes crab legs, which made sense, given Charm City's relationship with all things crab, but the chicken wing bones never did.

In Philly, it is grosser. It is dead birds. I don't go a week without seeing a dead bird on the sidewalk. Yes, this is a downer. I don't like it and have to explain it to J, which causes me to use Bizarley's dad's lie - that the birds are just sleeping. This is harder to pull of when there is some squishing involved.

In SF, it was causes. Stickers telling me that I should be vegan, that I needed to save the environment, that Arnold sucks, etc. Sometimes it was just a slogan written in chalk. But they were everywhere. On my walk to BART everyday, I passed one that said "Better Dead Than Red." And I always thought that my X would totally agree because (1) he is judgy-liberal and (2) I have red hair and he hated me. Honest, that is what I thought every time I walked over that slogan on the sidewalk of 24th Street between Guerrero and Mission. Great way to start the day. Man that relationship was bad, things like this pop up every now and then to remind me how unhappy I was and how bad he made me feel.

Anyway, I just remembered that as I am writing this. Luckily Gossip Girl starts in three minutes, so I am three minutes away from being in a good mood.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

The Big 0-2!

Yesterday was Jillian's birthday and she celebrated with pizza, mommy juice (beer), and her grown-up friends. It was a great time, J had fun and got some awesome presents, and she wore a tiara. All in all a pretty good day.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

I know, right?

I have a bad habit of not listening while trapped in boring conversations. You know, like in the elevator or on line at the book store. Because of this habit, I don't know how to respond when it is my turn to talk because I haven't been listening. So I have developed a "defense mechanism" of sorts - I just say "I know, right?"

This phrase works 8 out of 10 times because these conversations have limited topics. For example, "It's finally getting cold out there," response: "I know, right?" Or, "Those Phillies actually made it to the NLCS" response: "I know, right?" Or, "The economy sucks." response: "I know, right?" So by using the "I know, right?" response I save myself from listening to 80% of the boring conversations I encounter.

In contrast to my not listening to conversations I find boring, I also seem to think that when in a group setting, I have the most interesting stories. I have been aware of this for awhile and it was reinforced when a group went out to dinner after J-Bux's book reading in NYC. Apparently, I talked alot. Last week, I did it during book club. I am not sure if the stories I tell are interesting or funny, but yet I can't seem to stop myself from telling them. I am going to work on this, promise. I don't want to steal the show.

Here is a random picture of J - she will be two years old tomorrow!

Sunday, October 5, 2008


I don't understand Sara Palin's hair. How does it get that high up? Why does she do that to it?

Like most other things, I think I may have found the answer on the internets.

Obviously I will be quitting the practice of law to become a private detective. I realize my calling is to solve mysteries.