The Ropes

On Saturday J and I had the following conversation:

Me: Do you want to go to the Please Touch Museum tomorrow with Grandma and Grandpa?
J: Please Touch? Yes.
Me: You'll show Grandma and Grandpa the ropes?
J: Yup

The please touch museum was not discussed again until brunch Sunday morning.

Me: So what are you going to show Grandma and Grandpa at the please touch museum?
J: The ropes
Me: Huh? They don't have ropes at the please touch museum...
Grandpa: Yesterday you asked her if she would show us the ropes.
J: Yeah, the ropes.

I had totally forgotten that I had used that expression. Of course J hadn't and was using the expression literally.

I had cute pictures to post but for some reason my camera and computer are in a fight an the pictures are not downloading. This is the new camera that I recently purchased to replace the one I got for Christmas that decided to only take pictures of black squares. I am annoyed.

Putting the hurt on some corn

J loves corn on the cob. It is hilarious to watch her put ear after ear away. Today I skipped school (work) and we went to Wegman's together. (Where by the way, you can purchase a snuggie, so it was gratitude overlap - J, snuggie, wegz). Anyway, we got some fresh jersey corn. One of the many things Jersey just gets right. That along with political corruption and hair that doesn't move in a tornado.

J puts away cob one:



Notice that the mac and cheese isn't even touched - MAC AND CHEESE! NOT TOUCHED!



Then round two:



How does one burn off all these corn calories, you may ask? Easy. Wiggle Dance

Gratitude List

Last night I was watching "Secret Lives of Women: Mothers of Murderers" which was oddly riveting, and at one point a mom was sharing how her son who is in jail for life makes it through the day.

Apparently, the son said that he keeps a "gratitude list" of things he can be grateful for despite his situation. While I had a typically whiney post planned, I decided that if a dude in jail for life can find some stuff to be grateful for, so can I. So here we go - my gratitude list as of today.

1. A healthy, funny child



2. My family - sisters included even though they are not in the picture



3. My snuggie


4. My friends, old and new, the ones I see, the ones I don't see often but pick up with as if we hadn't been apart, all of them. (No picture because I wasn't sure who would want the extreme popularity that comes with being associated with this blog. I am talking paparazzi, being stopped on the street, all the trappings of fame.) Wait, I lied, here is a cute one and since it was Auntie L's birthday celebration, she was famous anyway. As is Baby E as she a baby about town.



5. The fact that I have a job

6. My education



7. The fact that I am not on the Maury Show (I am watching it dvr'ed right now because I was home with food poisoning on Monday and saw the first half of "I slept with two sisters am I the father of both their children?" and could not bear to not find out the answer, so I recorded the next day's episode and the results are in - HE IS NOT THE FATHER!!! Of the baby of the sister he is not dating, THANK GOODNESS I KNOW)

8. My general physical health

9. My jacuzzi tub or more that I was able to create a nice space for myself, as in it was in my reach to do so.



10. The fact that J will experience "picture day" for the first time on January 29 (I was looking at her school calendar today because I don't want to blow more deadlines - I almost booked a trip for myself to the beach for her first week of school EVER, nice work)

11. Wegmans


12. My house, leaving aside the pesky mortgage

13. My ability to leave X despite being in a "delicate way" (huge) and scared out of my mind, instead of still being in a terrible relationship to this date - I am grateful for this for myself and for J, as I do think it is better for her that we are not together



14. Generic prescription sleeping pills

15. Cheeseburgers and a good beer



I had a goal to write 15 things, without all of them being a joke. Of course many of the things I am grateful for have corresponding things that bring me down and thus were conjured in the making of the list. Or for example, my diamond stud earring would have been on the list, if they had not gone missing.* I tried to compartmentalize the bad from the good, and did so for the most part other than the mortgage thing.

*these earrings are of import because I bought them for myself as a present when I got my first bonus from the firm. I had had a bad day, X had been particularly miserable, and I just went for it, rationalizing that I would have them forever. And also that it was taking the money and turning into something that X would not notice as an asset if we separated. So he couldn't take them. Thus, their disappearance is very disappointing for those reasons. Also I wore them pretty much every day. I guess earrings are just "things" so I should let it go. But I am bummed. Anyhoo, I am grateful to have had them for the years I did.

Chubby Yoga

J was demonstrating some yoga moves today when I got home from my cool job.

First, she needed to get out a mat.



Then find a spot in "class."



Start with a little down dog split.



Then tree pose.



End with airplane pose.



Namaste.

Wine School: An Attempt to Meet People

I just returned from Wine School. I signed up a few weeks ago, not to learn about wine, but to try and meet people. This class always sells out - always - so I figured maybe I would make a new friend, maybe there would be a cute guy, perhaps I would learn something. I realized that it was very yuppie and likely on the list of stuff white people like, but at least I would get out of the house. Which is something I seem to do less and less of these days on the weekends I don't have J. I miss that little boo.

Of course, the class I go to had sold out but of the 20 spots only 9 people showed up. And were comprised of two couples, two girls together who were like 23, and 3 cougars. I count myself among the cougars, although I was the youngest so maybe cougar-in-training is a more appropriate description of me.



Clearly wine school is something that desperate middle aged women do to entertain themselves and/or meet men. I am a cliche.

I met no men and made no friends.

But I did LOVE wine school. It was really fun and I learned alot. My knowledge of wine is quite limited. Like when Mama V told me to DRINK THE BOX-O at beer bike years ago, I did and I LIKED it. Bizarley is hawking a new brand of boxed wine, and I am like, hmmm - I should get that.

I also will gladly drink Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill and not in an ironic way. It is delicious.

But at wine school, I learned about non-boxed wine. And I want to sign up for another class, with the motivation just being to learn, not to meet men.

I am disappointed that there was not even a prospect in attendance. Another example of how I am trying, but nothing is happening. I am starting to think I may actually never, ummmm hook up, for lack of a better way to say it, again. I watch shows like the Tudors and tear up during certain scenes because I don't even remember what it is like to do such things. Sorry if this is TMI. There was alot of wine at wine school. And now, per usual, alot of whine in this post.

My Imaginary Boyfriends

As I have no actual boyfriend here is a list of my imaginary boyfriends by category (please note that I use "imaginary" to refer to the fact that each individual is not actually my boyfried, some people are real and some are not):

Imaginary Vampire Boyfriend: Eric on True Blood - less sparkle than Edward and no competing with Bella/the love that lasts for eternity.

Imaginary Gangsta Boyfriend: Stringer Bell - yes, Wire fans, I know this imaginary boyfriend has some issues beyond the fact that he is a hard core drug dealer, but do not forget that he is an IMAGINARY boyfriend.

Imaginary Chef Boyfriend: Hubert Keller - the french silver fox of cooking. He just rocks and can cook meals worthy of three Michelin stars.

Imaginary Upper East Side Boyfriend - Chuck Bass. Enough Said.

Imaginary Reality Self Help Show Host Boyfriend - Dr. Drew. JUST KIDDING! I hate that guy. Steve Ward of VH1's Tough Love. I think he is cute and actually makes sense when he advises women on dating. And if we break up he can match me up with someone else.

Imaginary Dancing Boyfriend - Ade of So You Think You Can Dance. Absent his "magic pick" he was hot and could spin me around with ease.

Imaginary Food Service Boyfriend - the guy at the Corner Bakery in the building of my office. I have a crush on him and only will go into that Corner Bakery when I think I look cute. So like once every fiscal quarter.

Imaginary Local News Broadcaster Boyfriend - Adam Joseph of Channel 6 Action News. He kind of smacks of guido which I not so secretly find attractive as I am from NJ.

Imaginary Sugar Daddy Boyfriend - is totally made up. He is single, somewhere between 38 and 45 years old, has made alot of money, is attractive (to me at least) and like me enough to replace the diamond stud earrings that were lost or stolen last week.

I am sure that there are more imaginary boyfriends in my future.

Difficult

is the nicest word I can think of to describe my child this weekend. Right now I am listening to her scream at the top of her lungs instead of going to bed. She was bad this afternoon* and I told her that if she didn't stop doing something bad, one of the 1,000 bad things she did today, I wasn't going to read her a bed time story. She didn't stop, so I am not reading a story and she is having an absolute fit. It breaks my heart to hear her screaming, but I cannot have her continue to act as poorly as she did today.

And it is not the first time today I have listened to her scream at the top of her lungs today.

Some of this behavior is likely my fault. I have had a short fuse with her lately, I have been busy at work, tired, lonely, and my diamond stud earrings went missing. She is a great kid, so I feel bad. I don't know how much of it was my fault, likely 95%, but it has been a rough weekend for the most part.

I just want it to be over.

So that it can all happen again tomorrow.

*we were supposed to go to a birthday party but the main highway through Philly was CLOSED. By the time we got out of the backed up traffic because of the closure we would have gotten to the party about 1.5 hours late. So we didn't go. I felt bad so I told J we could make cookies. So we did - chocolate chip from scratch. I am trying, really I am.