My Parents vs. Any and All GPS Navigational Systems

This weekend I went to the homeland (NJ) for my cousin's wedding. It was great fun, lots of booze, wealthy old dudes who made their fortune on bowling alleys and pin ball machines, way to much food, and a next day brunch that didn't start until noon (see lots of booze, supra).

But for the majority of the weekend, when I was not on a party bus, I was in the car with my parents and their navigational system. Driving with my parents used to be frustrating - my mom knows every single road in Bergen County NJ and my dad usual knows two ways to get somewhere (1) the right way and (2) a HIGHLY inconvenient, stupid way. He always chooses (2) and we can't say anything to him, well because, he is the dad. So basically it becomes my mom telling him where to go, him going his stupid way, everyone groaning because for this reason and also because they also only listen to "Oldies" and we are going to be in the car for a long time even if we are going 5 miles.

Enter the GPS. As a preliminary matter, my dad is a "fiddler" in that he physically cannot drive without messing with some knob in the car - the temperature controls, the radio, the windows, the mirrors, etc. Thus you always feel about one switch from CBS FM to 1010 WINS from an accident. Needless to say, the GPS (and satellite radio) ups this fear because it is another thing to fiddle with.

The GPS also creates a new dynamic. The entire ride, ENTIRE RIDE, is my mom going "Oh its taking us down X road!" "I wonder if we will go down X road!" "Do you know where we are? we are at X!" "L went to basketball camp here!" "You played soccer here!" "This is where you broke your foot!!" and my dad turning at the street before the street we are supposed to go down because "turn in 500ft" apparently means "turn now" to him. Well sometimes it is "is this the road? is it is it?" and my mom responding "Oh we are X!!!, it is taking us to X" and us missing the right turn. My dad also puts in random addresses because he claims the GPS doesn't recognize their address. So he uses his office's address. His office is three towns from their home. This "fix" adds 20 minutes on to every ride home.

After the last ride with them, I said goodbye, thanked them, got in my car and drove immediately home. To Philadelphia. Without using my effin' GPS.

In other news, they asked me if they could get rid of their apartment and live with me 10 days out of every month. Because I do believe that one should always be there for the people that were there for you in the tough times and because they are my parents, I obviously can't say no. Also obvious - this development solidifies what was already likely - I will be alone for the rest of my life.