Does this mean I am an adult, like officially?

Today I got Jillian's class list. The one of the kids that will comprise her class in the fall and their parents. And there I am - right under Jillian's name. X is there too. Both of us with are contact information showing our recognizable in Philly law firm emails.

So I am the parent of a kid going to school and the other parents could feasible discern that I am a lawyer.

Totally weird.

Especially because lately I have been trying to channel my chubby fifth grade self, who landed in Catholic school after 4 years in the local public school and thus was the odd kid out. I remember being lonely, and feeling like nothing would ever change, but less lonely than I am now. And being stressed out because I felt like no matter what I did a nun was yelling at me, whereas I had always been a "good" kid when I was in public school.

I coped with my life as a fifth grader - I remember reading alot and having after school activities and finding some relief from the loneliness in those things. Seemed to work at the time, so I am trying to be that chubby girl again. To find solace in a good book, to not care that that the next day I had go to school in my blue plaid polyester jumper and knee socks that would invariably fall down causing the nuns to freak out.

I am not exactly sure it is working, because I can't find the inherent peace of a preteen just accepting that she is kind of a nerd and losing herself in a book. Not really knowing what she is missing. I also don't have my mom to give me a hug and listen to me cry as I tell her about how no one talks to me at recess or how Sister Anne screamed at me because I brought the wrong marble composition notebook to Math (I mean we were only allowed to have black and white marble composition notebooks - they all looked the same! It was a reasonable mistake).

So the arrival of the class list with my name listed as a "parent" was a bit ironic as I have recently rekindled my younger "hey I am not missing anything" self. I threw a little nip of brandy in my tea tonight, to remind me as I read my book that I am an adult.