Jillian turns one in about two weeks. This is the first time that MSTBX and I have to deal with the fact that we both want to celebrate with her. Which I think is normal and fine, and I am ready to be an adult about it. Then he tells me that he wants to invite his girlfriend to any party we have.
I have not met this woman. She is the one he started dating two months after I had Jillian. I found out about her three days before the bar, that he was planning to visit her the weekend before the bar, rather than helping me deal with a baby, flying, and studying. I told him before he left that I was very hurt and he still went and slept with this woman that very weekend. While I slept in a twin bed at my parents house, nursed a baby, flew cross country by myself, and tried to learn property AGAIN, and knew that he was probably having sex, walking to brunch holding her hand, blah blah blah. It was not a good time for me. You would think after cheating on me he would have been unselfish enough to maybe not date someone while we were still living in the same place? Or when he knew how hurt I was, he could have not done this the weekend before the bar?
Then a few weeks later she sent his birthday present TO MY HOUSE. I had to sign for it because he was at work. So this is a woman that thinks it is ok to send her boyfriend presents at his wife's house. Nice.
Needless to say, I don't want to meet her, especially not at my daughter's first birthday party. In part because of how much he hurt me and also because I can't promise to not loose my shit at having to deal with not one (MSTBX), but two people of loose morals and selfish tendencies on a day that is supposed to be happy.
I said we will just have to have separate parties. He was so offended that I would not invite his girlfriend to anything I put together. And kept repeating that he is her dad and can't be shut out. I am not shutting him out, I just don't want to meet this person at a time that is supposed to be happy.
So, readers, am I the crazy one here? It is fair for me not to want to have this woman at Jillian's birthday party right? Seriously, comments please. Sometimes the crazy with MSTBX runs so deep that I don't know what a normal person would do, if he or she happened to be in this situation.
And here is a picture of Jillian at a brunch buffet, one of her favorite places because she loves to eat. She ate so much here that I thought the restaurant was going to charge me for her. So for her party I was thinking brunch and then some cake. That would make her happy. And that is what is important.
This sucks.
3 comments:
Yuck. So sorry you have to deal with this on what should be such a great day ... J's first b-day! I don't think it would be selfish or unreasonable if you didn't want MSTBX to be at any party you planned. Given how little respect he has shown you. That you wouldn't be comfortable with his girlfriend there is just obvious and totally ridiculous that he would even ask. It is your daughter's first birthday. It is your day too, but most importantly, it is J's Day and she deserves to have her mom's full attention and a birthday devoid of distraction and tension. MSTBX needs to start thinking about someone other than himself.
OK yes, you totally have the right to not want her at the party. If you are hosting the party, you should be able to set the rules for people who are invited. If it were me, I know I would NOT want the girlfriend there.
That said, ripping off the band-aid in one quick stroke may not be such a bad thing. It will be hard, but maybe it will fast-forward getting over some of the feelings of hurt & betrayal. Maybe you'll even be able to look at her and feel sorry for her! Like thinking, "He's YOUR problem now, lady!"
While I think the latter option would be very hard, you may surprise yourself with your own strength and resiliency.
Good luck and hugs to baby J.
I definitely think MSTBX (what does that stand for, btw? I can't remember) is being a petulent shit by insisting on her coming, but I do think that at some point you will have to meet her, because at some point Baby J will want both of you to be at her birthday party (graduation, wedding, etc.), which means if they're going to stay together you'll have to deal with her. Of course, he could well break up with this particular woman by then, and maybe the next one you would not feel as personally affronted by, so that might solve the issue. He might stay with her just to spite you, though.
Sorry you're having to deal with such a shit-storm, M! Tell J. happy birthday for me.
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