Anniversary

Today is my now-defunct wedding anniversary. And a good sign is that I forgot until this moment, compared to last year where I remembered all the days leading up to it, the whole actual day of it, got drunk in front of my parents friends, watched M landshark a guy (which was fun, and I would do any day), and continued to drink at a dive bar to the point where my dad had to come pick us up. So I think that is growth, right?

Anyhoo, these are the things that are on my mind:
1) Idaho is really far west. For some reason, I always thought it was in the middle of the country but it is pretty far over. Go elementary school geography.
2) Circuit City is advertising that people should make their tax return checks go further at, you guessed it, Circuit City. This makes me angry. There are absolutely no essential goods at Circuit City, the economy is going south, people can't afford gas, food prices are increasing, and many folks are just bad with money (lots of debt), especially when it comes to stupid things like HDTVs or the latest cell phone. I am being an ass, I know, but I get angry at companies irresponsible marketing practices. I know that it is their job to make a buck, but at the same time we would all be better off if people saved their money.
3) X bought a new house and it is filthy. I am not sure what to do about this because J has to stay there. It really is gross. I guess the girlfriend doesn't clean. I know he doesn't.
4) J and I are going on vacation next week. Woohoo! We went to the zoo on Monday and she rode a pony. It was awesome.
5) I am waiting for pictures from bizarley's wedding so that I can tell you all about it.
6) I will probably go see the sex and the city movie, despite my hating the show.
7) It is the year anniversary of this blog, I think.

Happy hump day all.

No Moms Need Apply

In my attempt to move towards having a normal relationship, I searched match.com for men around my zip code between ages 30 and 40. I haven't joined or put up a profile yet. Baby steps here. I picked about 5 guys that looked "normal" and read their profiles. Some had interesting profiles, were educated, appeared cute-ish, and got my hopes up that maybe this is a good idea.

Then at the bottom, one of the last requirements for their match is whether or not she has kids. All 5 said they required that the woman have no kids.

So for the next 5 profiles, I stopped reading the main written parts (in order to keep from getting my hopes up) and just scrolled down to that question. Only one person didn't have "none" as his answer to the have kids question, and he simply hadn't answered it. So no affirmative statement of being ok if potential matches have kids.

I am discouraged.

Now I am watching a documentary about "Jesus Camp" and it is at times freakin' scary, hilarious, and very sad. Jillian during the mass before her baptism kept telling me "I see Jesus" but she will not be attending these camps. She says I see Jesus because at her playgroup the strollers are parked in a church, so she is familiar with Him. (All those years of growing up Catholic, I can't not use the capitalized "Him." That or Jesus Camp is getting to me.)

Hodgepodge

Philadelphia has a bad habit of closing off streets for various activities - worthwhile activities such as the Race for the Cure - but not informing motorists that streets will be closed or providing a detour of any kind. Over the past two weekends, I have lost about 3.7 hours of my life because of this practice. If I was billing the City of Philadelphia for my time, that would cost them about $1,414. So dear city that I really enjoy living in - PLEASE at least put up detour signs. I don't need to be cruising around Ridge Ave and Gunshot trying to find my way home. Also, if I can't go one way, you have to let me go the other way because I am just trying to get to my house and park the damn car that I can't drive because of street closures. Thanks.

On another note, I had an anxiety dream about bizarley's wedding, which is coming up this Saturday. I was running late to drive to the metro-Lex and had to take a subway. But I forgot the bridesmaid dress, so I got in a cab to go home and get it, but I went to every address I have lived at for the past 5 years, forgetting where I actually live. I don't know how it turned out, but no fear bizarley, I will be there on time and with the dress. I even have multiple "pale gold" shoe choices, thank you zappos.

I can't imagine what it is like to actually be the bride. Maybe the gifts make it better?

Totally boring post, but at least it doesn't involve Gymboree disasters.

My day ruined, by Gymboree

Well, not so much Gymboree, as X. My new house is near a Gymboree and so J's nanny thought it would be a good activity for them. I took J once, it was a good time with parachutes, tunnels, bubbles, all the essentials. So I thought I would sign her up. It is $99/month for unlimited classes.

The thing is, my custody agreement requires that X agrees to activities and pays for half. I asked him about Gymboree and he said he needed a few days to think about it. A few days to think about paying $50 for our kid to have an activity. Please note, while he generally is against any mainstream anything (religion, manner of dress, politeness, cleanliness) I have never heard him rail against Gymboree.

Then he proceeded to tell me what a jerk I am and that I am a nasty person. Then he said that I have to keep him informed about what J eats during the day. X is out of control, rudely against overweight people. To the point that he critized me for eating a second brownie when I was about 7 months pregnant. I don't want J to have the same weird food issues. But that is besides the point - I said we can discuss food over email, not over the phone, because as you can see I usually wind up being told what an ass I am. He thought this was ridiculous and we should talk about it.

So in the end, it is all about control and manipulation with him. He knows I hate dealing with him, so he creates situations so that I "have to." But I won't. I refuse to engage him in this stuff. I will just pay for Gymboree myself. And she eats fine, so he can suck it. I will admit though, that J is eating Teddy Grahams in this picture. At least they are made with whole grain.....

Overall though, this will bother me for the rest of the day. It is so hard to put out of my mind. I really really wish he was not a part of my life. I would give an arm and a leg for that. Or even my gucci pumps.

This post is a total venting session for me. Sorry about that. I am just tired. Literally tired - of X, of the past two years, of being alone, of juggling work and child rearing, of fighting with him, of judge-y overachieving two parent households, of everything. I go to bed at 9:30 or 10 and I struggle to wake up at 7:30 with J. And this is everynight. The real bummer is that he is never going to change and I have to deal with him for the rest of his or my life.

Happy Mothers' Day

Today has been a weird day. J was baptized and I had to deal with X's family and dumb ass girlfriend. I managed not to kill anyone, but none of them burst into flames upon entering the church, which was surprising. I mean, where is the wrath? And it is mothers' day, which seems to be a difficult "holiday" for me. But we celebrated with a delicious lunch for close friends and family. Thanks to all for coming out.

Oh and J did a good job. She informed the priest that she did, in fact, denounce satan and all his works, but also tried to blow out her baptismal candle, shouting "I wanna blow it!" throughout the ceremony.

I have spend about twenty minutes trying to write a good transition sentence for here....but I seem to be failing. Something about how we are many times reminded of difficult times or challenges during happy occasions. But I can't. I am not the writer among us. So anyway, here is a column in the NYT by none other than J-Bux. Today I am proud of her, all my friends that took the time out of their Sunday to spend with us, my family for travelling to Philly for today, and J.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/11/fashion/11love.html?pagewanted=2&ei=5070&en=493559e65228929d&ex=1211083200&emc=eta1

Put A Fork In It

It's done. The court has entered my final divorce decree. So that is it. Done. I am no longer married. MSTBX is now just an X.

High five!

Feliz Cinco de Mayo

One of the things that I miss about being married is the nights when I would come home from work on a week night and MSTBX and I would decide to go out to dinner, just for fun, instead of eating what we had in the house. Or when he would email to see if I wanted to meet up. For some reason, it just seemed like a treat. And it was nice to go out and spend time with someone after work. Granted, this didn't happen that often. Perhaps that is why it felt special.

Anyway, I miss that. So today, after purchasing J $78 shoes for her baptism* we went out to get Mexican food for cinco de mayo. While I love spending time with her, and she loves quesadillas, sometimes I wish I had some adult company. Adult company that was obligated to take care of her as much as I am. It is weird to think that I never went out to eat with MSTBX and J. Maybe once, but that is about it.

So I guess that this is a long winded way of saying I am a bit lonely. Now that it is getting nice out and the days are longer, I would like someone to spontaneously see if I would like to go for ice cream, take a walk, or something. That is what I miss.

That all being said - here is a poll. Should I try online dating? In the interest of full disclosure, I tried it about this time last year (my loneliness and desire to do something about it is apparently seasonal) for about a week. Then I chickened out and took my profile down. So should I give it a real go again? It does kind of bug me out.

In other news, J peed in the potty multiple times today. We have had the potty only one day, so this is promising. I know, I should definitely put that in any online dating profile I make. It really is amazing that men are not knocking my door down.

*I needed cute white socks for her as well. The woman handed me a pair and I looked at the price - $30!!!! FOR ONE (that is right ONE, UNO) PAIR OF SOCKS!!! FOR A TODDLER!!!! Are you eff'in kidding me?