Empathy

Today has been a rough day. After a rough couple of days. Passport issues that may wompus my upcoming trip to Paris, washing machine breaking and leaking all over, constant construction, bank screw ups with checks, a cold/sinus infection I can't seem to get rid of, stress at work, consistent bad customer service preventing anything from getting done, the self-absorption of many of the people around me, and a kid who can go from zero to full on tantrum in less than one second over ANYTHING. Then today I get a notice for a collection agency about a $25 balance on an account at an unnamed doctor's office. I called to dispute the validity of the claim - within 30 days as required by law - and ask the name of the doctor who needed to be paid. The person was such a jerk to me (and obviously an idiot who was bad at her job, because if she told me the name of the doctor I could have maybe remembered what it was for and paid, which is the end goal of collection agencies right?) that I just lost it.

Granted, it is $25 and I should just pay, but I was so annoyed that I had never gotten a bill from any doctor and I have to go to the doctor's tomorrow (the doctor I am guessing submitted the claim) due to the never-ending illness and figured I could ask them about it. So I disputed it for now.

This person being mean was just kind of the last straw. I hung up the phone and just burst into tears. I am just tired and feel really under-appreciated and sad with a touch of lonely. I mean, I don't expect J to say thanks for anything other than me handing her food, but it is sometimes hard to have no positive feedback compounded by many tantrums. And work is a stressful disaster because everyone is nervous and competitive. Thus, I go in every day thinking it may be my last. Then I may not be able to pay the stupid $25.

Anyway, Jillian is so awesome. She immediately ran over and told me not to be sad. I had melted into a puddle on the floor at that point, so she sat next to me and told me to take a deep breath and not to cry. Then she started to tell me why animals are so awesome to try to take my mind off things. 20 minutes later she went to bed without any trouble.

I felt terrible for putting my 2 year old in this position....so in some ways her plan backfired. But at the same time, I was proud of the empathy that she demonstrated and her ability to tune into how others are feeling and be there for them. (I always worry that she will be like her father in those respects, so it was good to see her act this way). I am lucky to have her, because every other day, she is all I got. The other days I have the dvr. (Yeah, yeah, right now I am having a pity party for myself).

Now the focus is to not be that terrible mom who puts all her troubles on her kid, forcing the kid to grow up to fast.